Wow thank you guys, your kind words and advice are a comfort to me and i hope that some day i’l be in a position to help someone else going through this, i’ve put as much as i can of the advice that i read here into practice and i’ve noticed an improvement pretty much immediately, i don’t dismiss every negative thought but i do try to catch as many as i can and evaluate whether or not they are of any value, if they aren’t, out they go and i replace them with something good.

Just as an example a few days ago i was complimented on my work and my immediate reaction was to say something like “nah it’s not very good,” but i caught myself in time and just said “thank you,” afterward i felt really happy that i had just accepted this compliment without turning this positive experience into a negative one.

It is very difficult, i do probably miss more negative thoughts than i catch but i expect it’s a learning process, i have a lot of hope i can change the way i’ve been thinking. Thank you all again.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Eddie.

Thank you very much for the kind words Jen, i agree that i need therapy, it’s crossed my mind on many an occasion, and my GP offered me the chance of seeing someone on my last visit there about six months ago, but i declined. I don’t really know why, i think it’s partly denial and partly the fear of ending up on a list of mentally unstable people, too proud i guess to get the help i so obviously need. With regard to medication, i’m not keen on the idea as i don’t know what type of professional i’l get to see should i decide to go, i may get someone who is careful with these drugs or someone who hands out them out like sweets, i guess i have trust issues too.

Your last point also makes a lot of sense, i know you can’t be loved till you can love yourself but i have mixed feelings. There are (strangely perhaps, taking into account how depressed i feel) a few parts of myself that i do like, it’s my negative outlook, bitterness from past experiences and my own failures that are ruining my life, i want to be consistently optimistic, interesting and even charming as i know i’m capable of being in short bursts, but my subconcsious tells me “no, that’s not who you are, remember when this happened to you? Remember when this failure occurred? When that person rejected you? It’s because you’re not the calm, confident person you’re trying to be, you know who you really are.” and so on, it’s an insidious, defeatist attitude, reinforced by past disappointments that saps my self-belief completely.

Thanks again, i feel bad bothering another person with my problems, but i’m really grateful for your help.