Could very well be that she was drinking. Maybe she misses me…maybe she still loves me…maybe the rebound isn’t working out so well and she’s regretting what she let go…that’s what I would like to believe anyway
I know it’s just going to take more time for the memories to fade. I dont believe that I can just somehow magically force them out of my mind and in fact the more we attempt to NOT think of something the more we will actually think of it. So at this point I’m allowing myself to remember…the thoughts do pass as the day goes on. And yes they have fueled my writing big time.
Also when I see she has attempted to contact me I go into a tailspin of emotion. It hasnt happened now in over a month so hopefully she has gotten the message and it wont continue
Thank you Anita for that friendly reminder. It is the truth and I need to stay connected to truth and let the fantasy go. It’s just so difficult at times. I imagine us cooking together, playing music, grocery shopping, making love etc…i replay the past in my mind far too often. What a journey this has been. It’s so up and down
I do go out and socialize often. I’m also a very active musician and well respected by my local community. I have lots going on to distract me. I know for certain I am not cool with entering into a rebound relationship. It’s just not my style and don’t feel it would be fair to myself or the poor person who would be no more than a bandaid serving some selfish need i have to get over my ex. Need to date myself for awhile. I am however meeting a lot of new friends and enjoying spending time on my own
Absolutely Anita. I wish to happy again without her more than anything. Its just going to take more time. She still consumes my thoughts often, but it’s getting better slowly, but surely.
At this point I just wish for her happiness above all. As difficult as it has been to let go…all I have left within me is this kind wish. I love her and her happiness has always been paramount above all else.
Yes Anita you are correct in that i don’t wish to reconcile. I do miss her regardless. Remember how I talked about not being able to remember the bad times and can only remember the good? I still have that going on from time to time.
I suppose I should note that she has actually broken no contact every month we’ve been apart…more than once in each month except August and October. We split in late May. I stayed in contact with her for the first month we split. She relentlessly tried to reconcile more than once. Several I miss you texts and a few frantic phone calls. I wound up blocking her because it was triggering too much within me and I needed to protect myself.
When the day comes and I am ready to get out there again into the dating realm I just might take your advice. I am also a singer/songwriter and I’m confident my muse is out there somewhere…
I’m glad you enjoyed the poem. At this time I’m following strict no contact with my ex fiancee who I wrote this for, but someday I may send it to her…someday
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