Hi, I feel the same way you do when you said “what ever you do, you’re just not here” That is how I have been feeling for years. Like i’m a shell living but there’s nothing inside me. I’m still trying to figure this all out so I have no advice but I have also thought of suicide many times. How can I live a life when there is no life left in me? I feel your pain and send you hugs! 🙂