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Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate your time contemplating my situation and sharing your view. It is very kind of you! You definitely shed good light on many items.
I feel that you understand where I was coming from, and appreciate your empathy towards my frustration/anger. Deep down, I would have loved it if he could have talked to me honestly and openly about the way he was feeling, whether it was fear, uncertainty, etc., rather than the way it was handled in an immature manner as you suggested. I think that was where trust was lost the first time around, and why I never felt quite safe the second time, being I felt a breakup could just happen again without warning. And yes, I wonder if he would have gave me support and assurance, rather than focusing on what he didn’t want, if things would have gone differently. Perhaps that in itself is a trait that would not allow us work in the long term. It’s hard because I reflect back and think what if I wouldn’t have done this or said that differently, but that is how you learn and grow. We both did things that didn’t help us grow in a better way. I do feel that my anger was both of ours to own, but mostly mine, being I was the professing it. I definitely never want to let my anxiety, insecurities, and low feelings of self worth get the best of me again. And as you mentioned, there are other, better ways to assert yourself.
I kept hoping that we could turn the corner and once I felt assured, I would be comfortable, be myself, the person he originally feel in love with. I now know that this was a ridiculous thought and I needed to focus on my self-esteem, but I didn’t realize this until later.
I think his personality is one in which “life is short, let’s have fun,” which is probably what attracted me to him in the first place. So, that is another great observation that you mentioned. I need to consider what I look for in a relationship. And I do admit the “time” thing scares me as well, as of recent, but obviously I can’t control that situation. I would love to have children, but if it doesn’t work out, I will be okay 😉
Thank you for giving me many great things to consider. I am healing and can only hope I am closer to becoming a better, more self-aware person. This is due in part to you, Jasmine and all the good information Tiny Buddha provides. Peace and love to you 🙂
Hi Jasmine, I usually do crushed avocado, a little oil & pepper on toast, so I’ll have to try those other goodies on top as well. Quinoa seeds would be a nice addition, and I bet it fills you up. Thank you! Yes, I am in the US. And you? UK?
Hmmm, your Sunday breakfast sounds amazing Jasmine! I’ll have to try those flavors together (yum). And yay for a massage! You deserve it! Have a wonderful week 🙂
Thank you so much for your response. I truly appreciate it. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and read it. It eased my mind more than you can imagine. With you sending positive energy out, I hope the return is twofold. Thank you for the good advice, and a few things really resonated with me. “Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.” That is amazing advice, and definitely something I need to acknowledge. You are correct in mentioning that until I improve my self esteem, nothing outside of myself will “fix” me. Somehow I thought my ex proposing and having a family would make things perfect. And thank you for mentioning to forget about age. I struggle with all my friends getting married and having beautiful children and realizing I am not there. I am so happy for them, but should know I don’t need to have that to be happy. And exercise, a coffee date and soothing music were all completed this morning 🙂 Thank you for that! I feel such a difference in today versus yesterday and know your response helped with that. It’s going to be work, but all worth it and you are correct in moving on. It’s hard when you reflect on “what could have been.” Here’s to new beginnings.
Thank you again Jasmine. You have a beautiful heart and a wonderful talent of helping others and making them feel better. Thank you for sharing that.
Hugs and blessings back to you.
I want to thank both Helen and Matt for your inspiration. I have learned a lot from your question and responses, Helen and Matt. I find myself rereading them over and over. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Matt. You should consider writing a story for Tiny Buddha. I wish you both peace and love.