Forum Replies Created
Good day Peonyrose73, sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. I also have a sister, and felt that I was the “invisible” one, being she had humor and a much bigger personality than I did/do. Now as I am older, I feel much better with the situation, as I am happy with who I am, and realize my sister has her own issues, as everyone does. Personally, I would go to the wedding. I know your sister said she didn’t care if you attended, but deep down, I bet she does. Even if you went for the main portion, whilst telling yourself that you can leave whenever you want. As you can. Can I ask how old you are? Are you on your own now? I have to say that things got better for me when I moved out and found my own friends (like family). Hopefully you will experience something similar, or just being around those that build you up is important. Keep me/us posted, and I wish you peace. xMarch 8, 2020 at 4:00 pm in reply to: Controlling anger and resentment towards my mother #342346
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine it’s difficult to live somewhere that is not comfortable or energizing.
It sounds like your Mom is in a tough spot. I am just speculating, but if she suffers from migraines and back pain, she is probably having a rough go. It may be a vicious circle where she isn’t well physically and mentally to work on herself. This isn’t for you to take on, but perhaps just looking at her situation with empathy rather than anger? I know it’s easier said than done, but if you know you are moving out soon, it may be worth a go. I felt sad reading about Mom, as it may be difficult for her to lose weight and feel better. Many times, the more weight you gain, the harder it is to lose it, as your body aches, you feel shame, and your self worth is waning.
Maybe a gentle talk with her would be a start. Saying something like you love her, but it is difficult for you to whisper, argue, be around negativity. And then do the opposite…talk positively around her, bring her up, give her a hug, be gentle and kind. It is so hard, but sometimes that kindness can bring out the best in others, as it brings their spirits up.
Also, if your Mom is having a tough time with bills, can she apply for assistance? May be worth trying.
Good luck to you. Just remember that when people don’t feel well, are ill, or feel sad, it’s hard for them to be positive. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it’s usually not about you. Be well. x
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I always enjoy reading your replies and appreciate them very much.
You are correct in what you said. And it can really be that simple. It is just a nose. I have spent so much energy worrying and analyzing it, that I have this odd trauma linked to my poor nose. I have made it into something so much more gradiose than it needs to be. It doesn’t need to define me. I will work on focusing my eyes on other areas of my face, along with focusing my thoughts on other things as well.
Thank you again. Take care, Anita.
Good morning Mia,
I wanted to send you positive energy and love. I can tell that you are a beautiful person inside, and that is what matters. Many of us on TB have struggled through a hard time (or ten) and I can say that doing your “work” can help tremendously. Many of us have been down, but it doesn’t stay that way. I agree with all the good advice and seeing a counselor, if you can.
This “work” varies with each person, but starts with you. It helped get my spirits and self-esteem out of the gutter and into a much healthier place. You have to know that you are a good person and realize you are unique and meant to be loved (as everyone is). You have talents, feelings, thoughts, opinions and qualities that are important and individual. Those are what make you wonderful. The differences and the uniqueness. Understand that you are worthy and loveable. Only you can give yourself that love. In addition, do things that make you feel good, such as reading a touching story, watching a funny movie (I watched Bridesmaids twice in a row), take a warm bath, write your favorite relative a sweet note and mail it, walk the dogs at the Humane Society, cook a new homemade meal, read TB daily (I try to) and simply be good to Mia day in and day out. Your heart deserves it. You deserve it. I hope time and inner strength will get you through this dear.
And thank you to those who have commented, being the advice helps me as well. You are all loved. xo
Hello Jasmine, how are you? I have been thinking of you and wishing you well. Anything new with you? How are your babies doing (pooches)? Things are good with me, thanks. I joined a run club, so lots of time invested in that, but still trying to check in with TB when I can. It’s a positive part of my day. Last night being the weather was so beautiful; I grilled fig marinated chicken, along with fresh green beans, salad and tapioca for dessert. Hmm. How about Jasmine’s kitchen? How did your dog friendly bday cakes turn out? That is such a fun idea! Peace and love to you 🙂
Ah, I have to say that I have enjoyed this thread as well! I am always thrilled to see what each of you have to say in response, as I respect your wisdom and advice, along with your humor and humility.
It sounds cheesy, but you all hold a special place in my heart and I feel like I “know” some of you. You all radiate with a special kind of light and aura. Maybe thinking you are quite “normal” to the real world, but so beautiful, noble and significant inside.
It’s been fun imaging how you look and getting clues along the way 😉
Peace and love!
Sorry you are going through a difficult time at work. It sounds like you are a hard worker and take pride in your job. Good for you 🙂
As Cleo mentioned it probably has more to do with what S has going on in his world. Perhaps you just happen to be in the crosshairs.
I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I know at my job, some days are great and some days are very trying and I wonder how I can do this until retirement. Ha 😉 But, then I focus on something positive, such as what I plan to do on my next day off, or what I get to do that evening after work. I try to focus on all the awesome things that I have outside of my work. Just remember that soon enough you get to start at a new University, which will be an exciting, new chapter in your life. This job you have now is just for the time being.
Try to remember that S might have some bad things going on in his life, but it doesn’t excuse him for treating you poorly. When he presents something to you such as criticism and you don’t understand, could you ask for better clarification? If you don’t understand what he wants/needs, ask him to elaborate. Perhaps, you can kindly set some the boundaries. If his voice gets loud, you can tell him that it scares you when he talks so loud, for example. Hopefully he’ll understand that you are trying to learn and do the best you can. Obviously you are 🙂 If nothing works, perhaps you need to have a conversation with J about it.
Take care of you and do something special for yourself tonight. Be around friends or family or maybe go see a funny movie, so you can laugh and smile.
Hugs and love to you my dear.
I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and wanted to send you love and positivity. I am not the best at writing responses and hopefully one of the “veteran” members will respond.
Hon, you need to forgive yourself. You did what you did at a very emotional, difficult time. What happened doesn’t make you any less human. Take something from your experience that you can learn and then let it go. Let your past, your ex boyfriend, your guilt all wash away from you. There are so many beautiful things in this world, and you are one of them.
I agree that seeing a counselor would help. Is there someone close to you such as a minister, a relative, or good friend that you can talk to? Perhaps a therapy group? Does the clinic you went to have post counseling? Sometimes just telling someone what you went through and feel is therapeutic in itself, even if they don’t know how to “help” you.
And please be good to you. Take a warm bath, read a sweet book, watch How to Train a Dragon or a fun pixel children’s film…anything that calms and relaxes you.
Matt always recommends the Metta Meditation, which is also a good thing to settle your mind and become still with your thoughts.
I am not sure if this helps, but I still wanted to reach out to you, Amanda. Know that you are loved from others in this Universe. Big hugs to you.June 17, 2014 at 7:52 pm in reply to: Habitual kindness and generosity makes for a lasting relationship #59059
Thank you so much for sharing this article. I wholeheartedly agree with what it has to say, and have to admit that I don’t always use “kindness” when I am frustrated in relationships. As you mentioned, it should be common sense, but sometimes is not always the first behavior we act on. Good, kind communication is something I am working on, and am grateful to hear that it can grow strong with exercise. Kindness as a muscle…what a great analogy. I hope to strengthen mine. Thanks again!June 6, 2014 at 2:45 pm in reply to: How to deal w/negative thoughts & "fun" in a relationship #58269
Sounds like a lovely evening! Always fun to make strangers into friends and get a good belly workout in the meantime 😉 And some new foul language as well?! Too funny! I can imagine it was an exciting event.
You and the luv pups enjoy your mangoes! Yum is right!
Let’s definitely keep in touch. xxJune 6, 2014 at 7:34 am in reply to: How to deal w/negative thoughts & "fun" in a relationship #58237
How are you, my friend? I hope wonderful!
Well, with summer finally here, I am overindulging in all the ripe, luscious fruits. This morn, it was Greek yogurt, granola, grapes, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and a drizzle of honey. Other days, apples with almond butter, bananas in milk, frozen yogurt and nectarines. Yum! Living in the cold Midwest, it’s nice to see our fruit/veggies options expand.
How about you? What’s cookin’ in your kitchen and life? 🙂
That was great advice from Ruminant. Thank you.
Danielle, it sounds as though when others share with you, it takes away your energy. I understand, being I am one that usually listens and finds people sharing so many things with me. I think they just want someone to talk to, and I feel honored, but at the same time, exhausted by the end of the conversation, being I would “feel” their pain. I would feel guilty if I wasn’t there when they needed someone to talk to, but at times, it would add to my stress and anxiety. So, when I hit a really low point in my life, I realized that I needed to take care of myself first and not take on other people’s stress. So, I would listen, but not engage, as Ruminant mentioned. But, basically I realized that I needed to be good with me first, before I could “help” others. You are a good person whom people feel comfortable with. That is such an amazing trait. But, please don’t let others sap your energy, either. I would practice boundaries, if need be. You can be a good friend, but also be honest and be yourself, if the conversations are too much at times. If you have had a hard day, you can listen to your friend, and then say something like, “I hear that you are (sad, hurt, etc), but I have had a hard day today, so can I get back to you on that.” I wonder if you are more comfortable with your family, being you are just “you.” Try to incorporate that into your friend relationships as well. YOU are wonderful and have things to share, so don’t feel that you always have to be there for everyone else only. Friendships should be reciprocated. Does that make sense?
I am not sure if this helps, but thought I would reach out. I wish you peace in your struggles. Take care 🙂May 31, 2014 at 9:05 pm in reply to: How to deal w/negative thoughts & "fun" in a relationship #57800
Matt, Juniper and Jasmine, thank you so much for your beautiful words of wisdom. I woke up early and found the responses in my email and definitely had a better day because of all of you. I appreciate it so much!
Matt, Ajahn Jayasaro is so good. I love his approach to counting breaths, and it’s definitely something that helps my mind focus on counting rather than spinning in that maze. Thank you for sharing.
Juniper, I am so lucky that you logged in TB to share your response. It made me smile and definitely made me feel better. I have read it a ton of times. So many things you said helped, especially the pink elephant analogy, to allow the feelings and thoughts being that’s all they are, and to not judge my insides to other people’s outsides (so true). And I appreciate you pointing out the different ways to view thoughts. Interesting, and I have never thought of the differences that way. Thank you for your kindness and knowledge.
Jasmine, it’s so great to hear from you. I will take your “preaching” anytime, being it’s really wonderful advice. How true that when we live without conditions and feel content, life is so much easier. It’s odd how we can beat ourselves up, when it’s probably the last thing we need. And you are right about looking outside to external circumstances/people to make sense of something when really the “answers” or peace comes from within. Thank you for sharing all your great advice, and ah, the heart chakra meditation is so soothing. Your pearls of wisdom are brilliant, and I will be coming back to this post many, many times for a refresher. I need to be more conscious and consistent to working on self. Thank you for so much insight to help me with that. And for sharing your big, bright light.May 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm in reply to: How to deal w/negative thoughts & "fun" in a relationship #57719
Thank you, Matt. I always appreciate and respect your responses, this one included. Your analogy of the maze walls makes good sense. I am going to try that tonight, along with imagining fields of beautiful flowers. And thank you for the meditation advice, being I should be keeping up with that better. I go in good spurts, and then other times, it’s hard for me to get into that peaceful state. But, I am going to strive so my fields open and blossom. I love that. Thank you for your positivity and light.
Hi! I agree with Kelly in regards to if there is an end in sight. The willingness for you or the other to eventually move. One of my best friends got married this past weekend to a guy that lived in CO and moved to MN to be with her. They made it work for 1 1/2 years long distance, but flew back and forth frequently and knew it would not be forever. Lots of phone time, too, which she said helped them get closer almost quicker, being you really open up. Just wanted to add my two cents. I think if the other person is worth it, distance could just be temporary. Best wishes 🙂