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  • #57436
    Big blue
    Participant

    I would like to get thoughts and advice on having a long distance relationship. I’m not in one but could be at some point. I have known the other person for years.

    #57438
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    LDR’s are extremely difficult. They’re great when you get to see that person, but when you part ways, and have to keep doing your thing, it takes a toll. I’ve been in 3 LDRs, the last of which I ended moving to the same city. It wont be easy, and you need to have a lot of trust and consistency to make things work. I don’t mean to be pessimistic at all, but like ALL relationships, they take work. Long distance just takes a lot more strength and patience. You can’t just fight and make up with the person and see them and hug it out, etc… When you fight in a LDR there’s this anxiety and frustration and you have to wait a while to have a face-to-face with that person. Sure, phone calls, Skype, text is helpful, but nothing can ever replace real human contact. Bottom line is it’s definitely possible, I just personally couldn’t handle it anymore.

    #57458
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Mayra Luna,

    Hmm I expected to hear something like that… Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Big blue

    #57492
    Natalie
    Participant

    Hi Big Blue,

    I recently ended a long distance relationship. I don’t want to sound pessamistic or get down on you, I just want to be honest. LDR’s are HARD. I absolutely loved the man I was with, but he lived in another country. I travelled there any chance I had, we spent all of our money meeting up and trying to make it work for 2 years. It ended not because we loved each other any less, it ended because the distance was slowly killing us. It was turning us into a couple we didn’t want to be and into people we didn’t want to be. I love this man with my whole heart and have no doubt that if we lived in the same city we would still be together. But long distance doesn’t work. It is not a real, functioning relationship. It’s so painful and difficult. We both had the best of intentions as I bet you do, but the distance killed our relationship. Is it possible? Yes. There are some couples who have survived the distance, and I thought we would be one of them. But the majority of LDR’s end with a breakup.

    I hope you make the choice that is right for both of you
    Blessings

    #57502
    Kelly
    Participant

    Hi Big Blue,

    My experience is LDRs can work when there is an end to the distance in sight. For example, if you know that in X months/years one of you will move to be with the other, it gives you something to hope for and work toward. If the distance is for an indefinite period of time, it would be too difficult for me personally. But I do know of one married couple that live in seperate countries and it works for them. You have to do what’s right for you and your partner.

    #57506
    Big blue
    Participant

    Thank you Natalie and Kelly. Your advice is very helpful.

    I’m sorry for how things went for you.

    Being able to count the days would be ideal….

    We would be within driving distance – so long weekends and vacation time could work to meet.

    (?)

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    #57509
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    If you’re within driving distance, and if things progress more seriously, then one should consider moving closer.
    In my case, for my last LDR, we were 6 hours away, but we would spend every other weekend at the halfway point, so we would drive 3 hours in, it worked like a charm! it is not sustainable though, we spent a lot of $ on gas & hotels… so it does add up. On other weekends we would fly out to see the other. We did that for 6 months, and I eventually moved to the same city. Now what happened afterwards had nothing to do with the distance anymore.. 🙁 but that’s another thread.

    Best of luck @bigblue & wish you much love on this journey. <3

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by MayraLuna.
    #57515
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Mayra Luna,

    Thanks that makes sense. Will see what this year brings.

    RE: the other thread. I read about your situation. While I’m sorry things got so difficult and you needed to break it off, your road forward is highly commendable! A good investment in yourself, and nice of you to help others with your steps ahead.

    Thanks for all the well wishes!
    I’m shy about hearts and all if that’s ok. 🙂

    Big blue

    #57516
    lightsource
    Participant

    Hi! I agree with Kelly in regards to if there is an end in sight. The willingness for you or the other to eventually move. One of my best friends got married this past weekend to a guy that lived in CO and moved to MN to be with her. They made it work for 1 1/2 years long distance, but flew back and forth frequently and knew it would not be forever. Lots of phone time, too, which she said helped them get closer almost quicker, being you really open up. Just wanted to add my two cents. I think if the other person is worth it, distance could just be temporary. Best wishes 🙂

    #57542
    Big blue
    Participant

    Thank you Lightsource!
    🙂

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