Again, I apologize for the html that keeps showing up, I’m not sure how to make it so that doesn’t happen.

Helcat, I am trying to fully accept that he didn’t tell me so he wouldn’t lose me / hurt me. But I am an open and honest person and if roles were reversed I would have told him when he asked the first time. He had no plans to tell me, I basically gave him an ultimatum because I knew he was not telling me the truth, and that’s when he told me. Our relationship before this had come out was going great, I trusted him. I agree with your advice, to try and approach him with a less direct approach, he has told me he does not want to speak about it anymore and will not answer anymore questions. This makes me scared he’s still hiding something and that’s why he is being so dismissive. I just want to believe that this wouldn’t lead to more lies in future, and that I can eventually get over it and move on. I just don’t know how to quiet my mind and feel like talking to him is the only way but I just feel like I can’t, without a fight starting. I appreciate your example and when I do talk to him I am going to use that approach, thank you! I just feel like the only way I can move on from this is to talk it through with him eventually.

Helcat;

thank you for replying, I do have a hard time trusting my partner when it comes to this situation, I sometimes have the fear that it happened after we had already started to date again, but he has said it didn’t. I have debated with myself why I want to know about something that went on when we were apart as well so thank you for asking that. I want to know because when we got back together we both discussed if we had seen anyone, and I lost trust when he continued to lie to me about who he had seen. He had seen someone else too, before her, that didn’t bother me. What bothers me is that it was a friend of mine, and they both chose to actively hide it from me. I feel betrayed. I feel I would have been fine with it if it was just out in the open from the beginning.

Anita;

Thank you for replying! I think so, I do usually want to know more yes, I think I want to know more and more because I do not get a consistent answer from him, and I get dismissed very quickly because he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore… so it makes me believe something more is being hidden. I feel like if I am able to get the honest answers and even possibly proof? Or a in depth conversation, then I can move on and that “itch” would go away…