Moknklet 80,

Thank you for the reply, response and input.. very insight full questions.. I would drop this person at anytime since this person is not what she appeared to be or projected to be, which I didn’t realized off late, but I cant’ as I stated above, I have to be with this person, every once in a while… But, I’m trying to find out, what I really want and need to be emotionally safe, be confident and go through this…

The only step, I have taken right now, is to minimize the contact, only once in a day in a very formal manner, without discussing about anything else, except the business, which we are running together, along with 4 of our common friends…

Anita.

Also, I don’t know, how my username has changed and whom to contact to change it back again..

Anita,

Yes!!! You are spot on!! That’s exactly what happened… and I foolishly gave in, since I didn’t want to lose her ever…. And I have a history of being submissive right from my childhood being bought up by very strict father… A DICTATOR… I was used to just accept the commands and demands made from me and complete them either to please people or to have them in my life fearing losing them.. and I guess that’s what landed me up here…:( I should’ve drawn my boundaries in the earlier stages itself… I feel very ashamed, as to why I allowed everyone to take a ride on me that too my most loved ones…Not sure…feeling so confused either to let go or just hold on to it a bit.. to see how things are working out…

Thanks to Inky, Ashmya,Handyman, Anitha and intothestillness for all your kindness, hopes and suggestions.. I feel much relieved…Thank you so much….

Anitha,

I have answered your questions below. I need help in finding a solution, even though we have parted, still it’s very very dread full to wake up every morning, only to know, that, she is not with me..and may not be with me….Damn this life!!! I Wish, I should’ve never seen her…:(

What do you mean by it being not physical? Was it partly or mostly a long distance relationship/ online relationship? When you were physically present with each other- did you hold hands? Hug? It was partly physical, we hold hands, hug, even lean on each other’s shoulders… but not physical…not even once… since both were comfortable being like that…It was not a long distance relationship.. since we live in the same city and we can see each other every single day…

What kind of contact did she have with other male friends? Mostly online? In person? Did those male friends try to date her? Both Online and in person friends. One of her childhood friends tried to date her.. but she rejected it strongly it seems, at least that’s what she told me… When I tried to ask more about it.. she told, She won’t prove and continue and I need to have trust for any relationship and should believe her…But later like after few months, she told me she went out with him on a casual visit 3 times, which I didn’t knew off…

You asked: “Am I a narcissist? Was my behavior controlling?” Did she say that you are a narcissist and that you are controlling? What did she consider to be a narcissist and a controlling man?: She didn’t said, I’m a narcissist directly, but in other ways, that..I should not be having any expectations from her, that just because we are in love doesn’t mean she should not be living her life the way she wanted.. and I was never controlling.. Since I respect her freedom, as much as I respect mine…So, I really don’t know if she really thought me as a controlling person..

You asked: “Is it too much to ask for?” What are you asking for?: My intention to ask this question and what I am asking for is Commitment..which was expected out of me from her to an extent that, I should not allow anyone to enter into my life, other than her..and should be available exclusively only to her.. and she will not allow anyone to take a ride on me and if anyone does it..it should be her only..These things she told me explicitly many number of times..

And you asked: “Is this how u treat your loved ones…” What about how she treated you do you find offensive, specifically?: Before she started sidelining me for her new found friends and business friends, everything was normal.. after that, I found it offensive that, she is unable to spend much quality time with me as she used to be, but instead she does it with her other friends reasoning it as business and her own social life and I’m being insecure about it… and she was able to brush it off saying, she needs her space and she needs to be with her friends also and my fears are totally unnecessary..

I have 2 more things to share after that, we lost our closeness, communication and sharing between each other and everything was limited to a level of only sharing pleasantries.. and finally we parted.. I can share those, but still I want to wait for some guidance and understanding on why and how this happened? and what I could’ve done to save this relationship…

I strongly felt that, I was missing her so much and started suffocating her and that’s the reason I felt I was behaving like a narcissist.. I was not possessive, but obsessive and may be I mightve been jealous, which I don’t know for sure..

Need all your kind inputs and guidance..

Thank you so much to all of you for helping me..