fbpx
Menu

Liquidsnake

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Why do we go back?? #119587
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Coming back here after a long break….Please explain to me what you believe she meant by being that “never ending pest eating you from the inside”? She thinks, the thought in me, that…she has done things, whatever she has done, is eating me from inside and these thoughts of her will be never ending for me, since we both will not be able to leave each other whatsoever….

    During her emotional outbursts, most of the time she blurts out everything she thinks and will be emotionally unavailable and will be spending her time alone(atleast that’s what she advocates), but, I knew she spends time with her friends and does things which makes her happy and she is not a person to miss any opportunity, which makes her to live in the moment and make herself happy…

    I’m also in very deep emotional trouble now, since i’m in a cross roads in my career and professional life which will be decided in january…

    I feel so bad and wrecked and want to run away to a place where no one knows me and just spend some time untill everything gets settled, which i can’t… I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE COMMOTIONS AND CONFUSIONS…. I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!

    SORRY FOR BEING OVER EMOTIONAL…SIGNING OFF FOR NOW!!

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116505
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I have given the messages she sent to me as it is. These were typed in bold capital letters:

    I APOLOGISE FOR EVERYTHING.. U R MY ONLY LOVE..THIS DOESNT SUIT U AT ALL..I AM REPEATEDLY TELLING U… I KNOW WHO U ARE.. AND WHAT I AM TO U..IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE U.. I NEED U..

    I WONT DISTURB U EITHER…

    U NEEDNT UNBLOCK WHATSAPP..

    I AM SINCERELY SORRY TO HAVE HURT YOU SO MUCH.. I DONT MIND FALLING ON UR FEET. IT IS MY SHORT TEMPER THAT MAKES ME REACT EQUALLY AND NOT THE EGO.. I APOLOGISE.. NOT TO GET U BACK.. BUT FOR HAVING HURT U KNOWINGLY AND UNKNOWINGLY…

    U R MINE ONLY… THAT THOUGHT IS ENOUGH FOR ME.. THESE R NOT SUGAR QUOTED WORDS.. IT IS A FACT.. I CANT LEAVE U WAT SO EVER… I WILL BE A NEVER ENDING PEST ONLY.. TO U.. EATING U FROM INSIDE….

    These are the messages I got from her 2 days before.. I didnt respond to them, and I dont have any messages from her till now…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116445
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Can I send the message which she has sent to me? Will it help in anyway to get more clarity on how is feeling about this and based on it you can give me your insights?

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116433
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I don’t feel emotionally safe with her anymore, since she has done things in the last one year, which has made me to a point, I don’t feel secure anymore with her.. I feel very disturbed and insecure with her…

    All, I wanted to do is not to hurt her again and leave her stressed out, from more than what is necessary, since she is already into too much stress from all sides(family, friends, even her own father)…

    I also strongly feel I have 50% responsibility in hers and my situation as it is today..so, I don’t know if i have to walk on egg shells, not to disturb her mental peace or to tell everything openly without caring for her emotions and just walk out, once for all.. ending this business relation also…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116421
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    There is absolutely no danger to her physically, only financially and emotionally (lack of funds for business, which she needs to manage on her own for my share – I have demanded it yet and will not be in future, she can give whenever she wants or gets it), emotional distress, since I will not be there to be part of it to either help her or to stand with her on this…

    apart from this there is absolutely nothing to be alarmed of…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116410
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I’m not afraid of her… I’m afraid of her feelings getting hurt because of my decision, since this is only last strand between me and her before completely cutting her off from my life, except seeing her once in a blue moon, or in family functions or parties.

    She does not pose any danger to me at all…She can’t harm me in anyway…

    I was just stressed up because, I could harm her by opening up this with her and adding fuel to her fire, which she is already undergoing(emotional stress)…

    I just want to walk away politely and silently from this relationship with out causing any distress to her and to myself….

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #116399
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    Thank you for the insights and what you said is absolutely right… I have cut contacts with her in every way, except for the business, which I agreed to do along with her, started it and invested in it.. Now, I’m feeling very embarrassed to be in it, I’m not sure, why.. but, every time she talks to me even about the business officially and every time I happen to see her, I’m getting very very angry as If I dont want to see her again at all…

    Because, every time, I see her or converse with her for anything, only the pain comes up and the pent up anger boils up inside and I’m very afraid, that I might hurt her unknowingly because of my feelings towards her like this…. Is there anyway to control this or handle it in a different or polite way?

    Also, I want to move out of the business and I’m ready to let go of the other financial things because of me pulling out and dont’ want to disturb her and put more emotional stress to her, just because we are not cohesive anymore…

    I’m finally planning to open up this to her, since I need to take care of my feelings first, so that it should not hurt her in anyway.. and I can’t think of how much more she will be disturbed while hearing this and how much I have to go through seeing her or conversing with her when she is in pain or disturbance because of this.. I’m not even certain, if she will be like that….. I just don’t want things to get ugly, where emotional distress is misinterpreted….

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115250
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I have started seeing the reality as it is, and understood that, people always change, and I need to let go of certain things and beliefs about people, if i have to be peaceful, if not happy… and I have told her straight away, that I can’t take either her abuse nor her emotional outbursts, since she thinks, I’m avoiding and isolating her thinking that, she is more inclined towards her new found relationships and not towards me and I was totally wrong in this(according to her). She blazed out, blasted me with verbal abuse, saying that, this was a fake relationship, and she will not be believing me anymore for anything. So, I told her, I’m cutting all contacts and ties with her and walked away!!! I feel a sense of peace and freeness, but still my mind is wandering as to, whatever i have done is right or wrong? may be I should’ve given it an another chance?? but, then, I felt there is no use, since she is not the same person anymore, and I can waste my life anymore, trying to get into her life and to take care of her.. was I right in doing this? What is your insight on this?

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115061
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes. He has not done anything as you said, no regrets or no feelings, coz, he thinks, that’s the way, it should be, even now, he is very careful,to make sure, i dont’ make any mistakes and keeps micromanaging me once in a while, trying to know about my whereabouts when, im late to home or out with friends on a weekend.

    he is not a person to discuss about anything openly, the kind of relationship or caring or nurturing between a father and a son, and he is not that type…

    Also, I cannot leave him, until he goes away forever, since our cultural and social setup doesn’t work that way and I’m very emotionally attached to my parents,even though, I knew, I should’ve been bought up in a much better way, but that’s all they knew at their time, getting a good name in the society and in front of relatives to be proud of, and getting into better studies and careers.. I’m not sure, if I can blame them for it…

    Being the only son, and first male child of the family, they had lot of expectations on me, which I didn’t fulfill almost 90% of it, infact, everything stumbled because of those expectations only and because of my anger towards those expectations, that, I just did exactly the opposite of, whatever was expected out of me…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115018
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m getting to the point…so, how do I change these core beliefs? if a person wrongs us, and not being honest with us, we should forgive them and move on, right? or do we seek clarification from them and understand why they did it… even then, will we be the same person again knowing the truth? can we be with them in the same way, we used to be? so, it’s better to move out right? or just accept them as they are, since they did what they felt was right to do at that time and as long as that person, agrees to it, we can let them go and move ourselves out and continue with our life..i’m still confused on which way to go..

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115015
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for the clarification and I deeply apologize for the misinterpretation. I understood from your previous post, that, communication is vital and people have to communicate properly so that the other person does not feel left out, that’s the way I understood and I felt, if we communicate, we can do anything, since, we are keeping the other person informed. It was bad on my part to understood what you said in this way…

    Yes, Now I understood, I have a way to change things around and cease contact with her and take care of myself.. Hope it works, without any major setbacks on my side.. I don’t believe in God as such, but still request all of you who has helped me here to understand, what it is, to pray for me…

    I think, I need to better engage myself, in other ways to improve myself and to divert my attention from her for my own self improvement.. but still, once in a while, this rage inside me, springs up as to demand answers from her and not to let her go off the hook, since I feel let down, and whatever I did for her was not reciprocated in the same way, which was not possible in reality, at least for her in her own terms and way…

    Hoping for the best!!! but, honestly, I’m a person, who never accepts wrong doing from people close to me, I feel, i got more attached to the concept unknowingly, u break it,,u fix it.. but still i remove them from my life completely or isolate myself from them, which i’m not able to do this with her… from where do you think, these thoughts are stemming from? may be inherited from my strict father, that no mistakes are allowed, whatsoever and if you do, you will be punished in some way, which I might find suitable??

    this is the vicious cycle, it was talking about, punish them, and then go back to them, feeling either pity for them or just because, i’m feeling lonely and depressed, losing their presence in my life…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115009
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    So, anita, communication is all it matters? can we do anything, if we communicate appropriately? what should i do now? fight or flight? or leave it as it is and let time heal this issue and find a solution??? or just pull back from the business and go on my way??? even though, if i do any of this, i would have to still meet her or see her once in a while during family outings or parties or functions, during which time, I may get those feelings back….I’m not sure about this but.. to be honest, every time i see her or interact with her now, I’m getting more irritated or kind of mild hatred, as to, why should i be with this woman or why should I be doing this to her, who has not taken care of me or my emotional well being, when it was much needed….I dont want to pretend to her, having one thing in my mind about her and doing the other, when I’m meeting or being with her even formally…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #115004
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes. you are right!!!. I did involved in the business, since I promised her during those times and to show my gratitude towards her, I joined the business, and still she argues that, she has not changed and I’m looking at her other relationships in a different perspective, bcos of my insecurity issues and nothing more to it… I’m really not sure, what exactly this insecure issues means? I’m not jealous or possessive, I just miss her and needed her to be with me as she used to be spending more time and be dedicated.

    But, my question is, how can people get closer to other people at a personal level(not including sex), when they are already in a committed and close relationship? is it possible? will we get those kind of thoughts to get closer to someone else, if we are already close to someone at a soulmate level…

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #114992
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    H8full8,

    You are right!! That’s what happened, when the layers went down and reality smiled, I wish, I could’ve smiled back and went on my way….

    in reply to: Why do we go back?? #114991
    Liquidsnake
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s perfect!!!, we just dont want to get out of our comfort zone and tread new waters, not to risk the current setup and ending with the same thing again!!! But I’m not sure, she has ever provided me with any kind of safety, either emotional or financial.. all I can feel right now, is we were just companions, who were close together..but, nothing beyond that…and may be, we both mistook it as love!!!

    and I have never gone to her with any issues from my personal life or for any kind of safety…All, I wanted is, may be to loved for who I am and someone who does that till the end, as they were from day one, which didn’t happened and I was brutally shocked, to see how people can change so much, in a gist, just because situations were not serving them right…

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)