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Hi Sofioula,
I am happy for you for being able to form a relationship after feeling the same kind of pressures I still feel. I am much older than you but I can relate when you describe the anxiety. The anxiety for me was the same when I was 23 as it is for me now except I did feel more hopeful when I was 23. Some day it will happen. I would tell myself this and I believed it. It will, just happen, I believed.
I almost feel like as the years have gone by for me, that everything that made me attractive and likable also made me vunerable to being hurt. Instead of embracing my femininity, I retreated more and more into my room. I want that to change and want to embrace everything that makes up who I am. I want to stop hiding. I want to be comfortable being myself and knowing that’s enough..
Affirmations work really well for me and I am trying to get into meditation or I will be. I love that these things have helped you in such a positive way. I am sorry you are going through a break up but I am so glad to hear that your determination is working for you. Hope you are well.
Thank you for your advice. My attention is to focus on me and what makes me happy first before I can attract someone else to share my time with.
You also have a very blessed day tomorrow and thank you,Sincerely,
Lisa
Hi Peter,
I would think pushing people away we care about as far as people we know….I think I feel people I have known love me but do not necessarily like me. I am not number one or equal to others they love so if I can not have that than I don’t want anything. I guess that is how I have always been.
Yeah there is certainly risk giving love to someone new, especially if one has never felt being the most important person to the people that brought you into the world. You search endlessly for unconditional love but you wouldn’t accept it anyway because you feel flawed and in my case feel you do not deserve such attention.
Could I love myself with imperfections? Yes, loving yourself has to come first.but I have to work on that. You question whether being hurt by someone you love is a possible attribute to love? I guess I would say that to accept myself and my imperfections, which is vital to loving myself, would be the same for me accepting the imperfections in someone else and loving them…imperfections and all? In this there would be less fear of hurt and understand that hurt might inevitable?
You are right if I am understanding you correctly..if we expect perfectionism in ourselves we are most likely going to expect it from others. Creating a lot of pressure.
So hurting is a learning experience and does not define who one is? Being more open opens you up for love but also learning.
Love does or should support things that may not seem like positive things. But I guess balance is the word that comes to mind makes me think that one helps the other.
Developing a healthy relationship with love is my goal this year and instead of seeing it as “perfect,” maybe I can see it more clearly and not feel so afraid of it. It exists in everyone so it is not the perfect person I am looking for but my accepting of love for what it is.
Thank you Peter.
Sincerely,
Lisa
Anita,
Thank you! I wouldn’t have progressed to making this thread without your help and help from others who posted in what can be described as an anxiety filled thread.
Yes I want to explore what I said about pushing love away and putting myself out there and noticing my thoughts and how I feel and hopefully writing it down. I want to change my thought patterns.
I am sad for your experience pushing people away but I understand pushing everyone away. I do that very well. In fact the nicer one is to me the more likely I will do a very good job of pushing that someone away. I have often believed the people who do not think so well of me that I often think that the person who does like me does not show good taste. I know that is a terrible thing to say about myself but there it is. That’s how I often end up feeling.
Well I what I want more than anything is clarity. I want to realize what my thoughts that I grew up with were and whether or not they are really what was/is going on? I will explain better when I start posting what I am doing and learning.
Sincerely,
Lisa
Happy New Year!! I would like to take your advice Anita and start a new thread. I think I have said all I can say in this thread about my insecurities, frustration, jealousy, hurt….I am just going around in circles. I would like to make a more positive tone thread. I do not think I have concurred my negative feelings but I am having the opposite effect happen to me than what happens to other women. As I am getting older I am actually finding my moods easier to manage while other women are having mood swings I had 40 years of what they will experience for a couple now. PMDD helped ruin my happiness when I was younger. I became a different person and then my rational self was left to deal with the results. I hope I at least helped people suffering from this to recognize how one sounds when they are experiencing PMDD.
I want to start with what is going on right now and talk about and being more proactive in reaching my goals. I am very optimistic right now but I have not come up with a name for my thread. I will think about it today. It will be optimistic. I am very commited when I name something I am writing to try and stay with it. Will be back later.
Thank you Anita and everyone who helped me with your advice and kind words.
Lisa
I had a longer post Anita but I do not feel like posting it now.
It could be my hormones but I am overcome with fear right now. My biggest fear is being shown that I am not as important as others. Some think simply acknowledging the feelings of others who are not in thier bubble is a grand effort that they can’t imagine doing.
I keep “not posting” everything I want to say.
There is a lot of emotion tied into what I feel are my philosophical observations that it often comes out distorted and rambling.
Will try to post again soon.
Anita I want to comment on your post but I have a strong feeling right now that I am going to be put into a situation that will make me extremely uncomfortable and hurt. I am in a panic right now because I can not depend on people having compassion for me. I am sorry to be vague. Just let me be vague because I can not talk about it right now. I am suspicious of something where people will force me to see someone who hurt me and I know I will be expected to be fine and pretend everything is fine. I am not even sure if this scenario I am thinking is going to happen but I know these people well enough to know how easily my feelings are put aside.
I am also upset because I have to go to work early and can not get to sleep. I can feel myself getting worked up.
I think reading about people attacking women for calling attention to things from the past that were not romantic but were presented as being romantic has unnerved me. The admiration for the atrocious people in power by women no less has unnerved me. I will be fine though and all of this unsettling bullying will be defeated.
I am sorry, I am scared right now. I am strong when I am away from most. I have always felt the closer I get to the group the weaker I feel. I have always felt like that. Being part of a circle has never been attractive to me because I am weak in a group and stronger without.
There has to be some situations where there is no more to see and seeing a situation correctly but I agree that there are many more situations than not where there is more to see.
I am sorry for your experience with your mother. I understand what you are saying by thinking everyone is just like the person or people who wronged you or hurt you.
I can think of the person who used me, the one who was always angry at me, the one who stayed out of my life, the one who I couldn’t depend on, the one who made me feel bad about myself, the ones who humiliated me, the ones who rejected me and compared me unfavourably to someone else…Everyone I meet are one of these people and I react to them the way I would react to them when I first experienced the hurt they caused me.
I am stuck
I am immature.
Again I am sorry for your experience. Back then it just felt like everyone I came in contact with rejected me, put up with me or was annoyed with me until I just decided to stay in my room as much as I possibly could.
I never matured. I was forced to go out and make money in my extremely immature state and I am not surprised by all the hurt and bumps in the road I endured. I am also not surprised at what others had to endure from me. Having pmdd only magnified my unfortunate situation but ultimately my problem was that I was/ am immature and stuck possibly in the age I decided to drop out of life. Around 11 or 12. I am mentally healthy in that I know what is real and what isn’t which had probaly contributed to my sadness. If I was delusional really I don’t think I would cry as much as I do or seek help as much as I do. I am not emotionally healthy though. I am quite immature and that has contributed to me not knowing how to really help myself physically or emotionally.
The reality is I do not have the slightest clue how to start a relationship let alone maintain one.
Socially I believe I see things clearly on a human level, Philosophically and spiritually, I am up for anything but emotionally I am not seeing clearly at all.
At the risk of taking a backward steps it did feel overwhelming when I was younger. It did feel that I was just an annoyance. The overall feeling, I can give “moments” when I felt loved but overall I felt like I showed up to a party I wasn’t invited to.
Thank you Anita,
Lisa
If ypu need clarity on anything let me know? I know what I want to say in my head but not sure if it came across well in my post.
Because I don’t see people as “moody” or “that’s just the way they are” I have to come up with a reason for their behaivor because I always believe there is a reason behind everything. It’s hard for me to rationally address something I find irrational. Others can calmly say like “I don’t like it when you speak to me that way,” and don’t bother to wonder why someone is speaking “that way” to them. I have to know why and if I can not come up with a logical answer then it just must be me. There is something wrong with me otherwise this makes no sense and why would someone who is irrational be in the position of authority that they are in?
I often think it is because they put on a different tone or voice depending on whom they are speaking with.
Anyway, much to work on but I have to get through my work today first.
All I can say is that I go into work with a friendly mindset. I go out the door with a focus on being friendly. I am bullied by the latest person who wants to gaslight me, surrounded by people loved by others who have no idea why the computers just happen to be going wrong when I am in front of them and evety time I tried to show someone they would work fine. People walk away and then they act up again. You wonder why I feel I got something following me around causing havoc. There is no logical explanation for a computer only having a problem with me alone and then working fine when I try to show someone. My increased frustration although I did my best to make light of it shows. I tried to do someone a favor on the way home tonight only to be questioned about it in a condescending way. I’m done. I’m tired. I didn’t DO one thing tonight to cause any of the problems I experienced. I didn’t do one thing to get the attitudes I got. I have been on a mission to look out for myself these past two weeks and I wonder if people get angry when I obtain my goals at work or life?
Was in a optimistic mood but now just tired.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.