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Cass

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  • in reply to: Anxious about social occasions, worried about future. #282087
    Cass
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    It’s okay to feel anxious and having worries about your relationship is normal. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself and comparing yourself to the brother’s gf. This is always a downward spiral. I’ve done that so much in my life and the older you get you realize it’s just not worth it. You’ll never be her (which is good…better to embrace you and just be yourself) and you don’t need to be. If his family seems into her more, that’s not a reflection on you. You aren’t failing at anything and you don’t need to change yourself.

    I can totally remember all the insecurities and anxieties I had in my twenties. And as you get older they shift. Whereas my anxieties were about finishing school and what others thought of me back then…now it’s about getting older and worrying about retirement and disease lol.

    Someday, you will be able to look back and smile and think about how anxious you felt going on this trip…but then all the things that happened after it. Maybe it’ll be an amazing trip! Maybe it’ll just be okay…but the thing with anxiety is that it robs us of the larger picture. Live in the present but also know that you’re life is more than this trip. So much more will happen to you. You may be with the same person in 5 years, you may not. But regardless, you’ll get through this just like you have every other thing in the past that made you anxious at the time.

    While on the trip, don’t try to please everyone. Don’t ignore your needs. Be honest and be yourself. If you feel anxious at a gathering, do your best and then leave if you have to. Give yourself extra self care. Talk with your bf about your worries and insecurities.

    The biggest thing that will help you in life is communication. If you can open up and communicate with your bf about how you feel and he’s supportive and responds, great! If he doesn’t or he’s critical…it may not be a long lasting relationship.

    Always be there for your own needs. Don’t try to replace yourself with someone else. Take breaks and be by yourself if it helps you cope. The person that will be with you through everything is YOU so honor and nurture yourself first, always. Others will flow in and out of your life. If you’re open and friendly and others like his family don’t respond or embrace you…that’s on them. You don’t owe them anything.

    You can do this. In two months from now the trip will be over and you can look back on it with greater perspective.

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