BDFR,

Sorry Sorry! I didn’t mean for my reply to be of any kind of rudeness towards you or anything ! I really need to work on my tact with people. I just know what you;re going through because I used to be the same way. I was always putting people in front of me and my desires. I was happy making people happy but in the end….I felt so drained emotionally. I was an emotional wreck. Still am sometimes. It’s a hard journey to we all must go through. I’m sorry if I was too blunt of anything but you seem like a great guy on her life and you need to appreciate yourself more for that.

I know you will get through this and even if things don’t work out in the end for her it’s not the end of the journey for you ! I am pretty sure you will find a lady that will return as much love as you give to her. Give yourself sometime to be with yourself ! Reconnect as an individual person and just enjoy life to it’s most simple face right now.

Selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing, It’s actually quite the good thing as it doesn’t involve others. Give your heart a break and your mind a rest for now and smile at the problems life gives you.

Hello Anyone,

Look. I don’t want to be rude with what I am going to say nor judgmental of you or anyone else in this situation so please don’t take this as some sort of offense towards you or your situation. I used to be like this 3 years ago with my first relationship. Let me quote a few things for you alright? Here we go:

“When we met I was in a bad stage in life, no job, no flat, did not speak to my best friends etc. So, in a way he saved me. He gave me a roof over my head, got me job (a great one I love), helped me reconcile with my best friends and spoiled me with holidays, dinners and presents.”

It does seem like he saved you from a pretty deep hole in your life but…

“I was in heaven, he was the best man I met. I am Mediterranean, I say what I think, I get impulsive, I cool off. What would be a discussion, finding a solution would be for him a fight he needs three days to get over. He would tell me how it hurt him…”

This makes it sound like you two had quite the few arguments where he ended up being the victim. Which means your impulsive behavior has been going for quite a while in the relationship. Am I wrong? I used to be quite impulsive and stubborn in my first relationship. I became an attention seeker so every argument I had with my couple I would play the victim and blinded myself to what kind of hurt I was causing to the people around me. I understand you if this is the case… This guy saved you right? So you got entangled to him and wanted his attention constantly because he became your drug, your main source of happiness. You might say your job is your source of happiness but he also got you that job right? That happiness goes through him as well.

“Last week we broke up in the most traumatic way. On Wednesday night I came home, he was not home, we did not speak much during the day. I call him, he does not respond but sends me a message immediately saying: “hi baby, how are you? missed your call. give me a kiss”. I start freaking out because he did not pick or call back. All turns into a huge mess of shouting, not picking up the phone, me hanging up. Me locking the door, sending him a picture of it and telling him not to come home. By 200% this was the worst fight we had… ”

This is the problem. This escalated way way way too quickly. It was a lovely message that turned into him sleeping on a hotel not being able to go into his OWN flat. You see what you did there? You turned his whole territory against him and humans are merely animals. Do you know what animals do when they feel so threatened this way? They go into aggressive and self defense mode. Did you consider that maybe he was not in a situation where he could not call you? A meeting or maybe hanging out with friends? I am seriously not trying to be rude or trying to tear you down but I must see both sides of this story for this to fit perfectly in the scheme of life. You really should have just replied to the message darlin… With the nice kiss he asked for and not with an overreaction. Again…This was caused because he was your main source of happiness, maybe you thought he was with someone else and that thought crushed your patience and security and a reaction like that was given. Maybe he was just having a nice day by himself and he was enjoying the silence for a while. You do know that the people we love can’t be with us 24/7 right? if that were to happen couples would get bored of each other way too quickly and saying I love you would become merely a routine.

“The next morning he rushed into the flat, put £500 into an envelope, put it in my luggage and told me he is kicking me out and I have until 12pm to leave his flat. That he has done everything for me and I am a selfish bitch. That he has no feelings for me and wants me out of his life.

He leaves and I am crashed and can’t move from the floor. The next day we were supposed to go to Spain for the weekend. The day before he woke up saying he can’t wait to spend the weekend with me at the beach and a day later he never wants to see me again. ”

First of all. Do not. do NOT blame this on him. he was probably extremely upset at the fact that he could not go into his own place in the night. He seems like a guy that has his things together and is pretty well put on his feet. (I am really not trying to defend him here) And when extreme situations happen like this people need space and some hurtful words can come in between.

“It does not stop there. I took 65 painkillers and told him that. He came home with the police, calling an ambulance. He cried so much that he could not breath, speak, he was shaking. I could not look him in the eyes and he did not come to the hospital. He said he couldn’t, his best friend from high school killed himself. ”

Why did you took 65 painkillers? Do you not appreciate your life? You need to realize that no matter how good a person is or how good that person is to you. You were born without them, lived your life, grew up without them until you met them and thus you have the strength to go on without them. If this was your way of calling for his attention this is wrong wrong wrong. Not only did you showed him that you are not a dependent person but you showed him how unstable under the surface you might be. Not to mention…. No matter how awful he was to you by saying that he didn’t love you anymore. People can’t forget in one day…. He was probably scared for his life… You could have actually died. Do you realize the kind of pain you might have caused him? Or your parents? And if you died there…. Do you realize the kind of emotional stress it would have given him?

I really do think you need to cut back distance. Cut cut cut. I know it’s hard hun… I really do know. I have been there and back then I didn’t realize what I was doing but distance is the only thing that can hopefully save your relationship with him. Please respect his wishes of keeping out of contact. The more you stay in contact the more you show him how dependent you are of him and he will not like this at all.

“He always told me he wants me to be independent.” he has realized it too. Maybe he was getting suffocated by the relationship and he really wanted you to find your happiness. Something that is only yours. He can’t be your whole happiness hun. Find peace within yourself and find happiness with your own hands. Once he sees this and he sees that you are doing fine and are able to do fine without him. His heart might warm up to your again. But right now….I’d say it’s time for a retreat. Send him a letter. No more texting or e-mails. Send him a letter where he can feel you are putting effort into and let him know that you are leaving him be. That you are truly sorry for your behavior in the past week/day/month and that you realize it was your mistake but you really need to mean this. If you don’t recognize this whole situation as your fault and accept it and forgive yourself there is no way you can move forward. Let him know that you wish him the best and that you will keep your distance until he decides what to do about his decisions.

In the meantime I don’t suggest waiting for him. The wait will just make it unbearable. Go out, have fun with your friends or find some cool projects to do at home. Distract yourself and try to be alone yet not lonely.