After I decided to part from her in Aug she was is such a terrible pain she didnt go to  work for two weeks. We spoke a lot through that time. We made it back within one month. I made clear what I can and can’t accept in this relationship to stay in it. One amongst a few was: alcohol has to stop to the point you don’t loose memory / sleep without interruption, and the contact with very Peter has to stop.

Over a month ago she told me she met him again, told me about it next day, but didn’t ask me if I was ok for her to do it beforehand as she was sure I won’t happy (she won’t be able to go to businness dinne). She as well got drunk with coworkers to the extent she didnt remember an evening phone conversation with me, her 7 year old daughter helped her throwing up in the night.

I am completely confused, heart broken… I left at the beginning of December. I still rarely ring her to ask how she is, hoping she will give me answers I am looking for. But no, she still denies she did anything wrong.

I am torn, I am feel I love her but logically can’t accept this mess.

Why do you think something is not right?

The words don’t match the actions. My trust that is gentle already through past experiences, has been tested at the very beginning of this relationship in the very first chapter of my post. And then in May this year. I felt somehow I want to confirm that reflection of my honesty in her is not distorted. Seems it is, and she doesn’t know why! I met her when she was still under influence of trauma after past husband, I did a bit of healing on her, and it bit me in the back.