The husband did not know about the affair before seeing the messages in her phone a month or so ago. My guy ended the affair with her once his divorce was final because he believed it was wrong for them to continue the affair. She didn’t want to end it, but agreed that it was for the best if its what he wanted.

The guy I’m in a relationship with says that he wasn’t reaching out to her after we got back together, but that he wouldn’t ignore her if she reached out to him for support. I was not ok with that, as i think it would be too easy to slip back into old patterns and would make it difficult for him to move on from the relationship.

The reason, he says, that he is not reaching out to either of us now is because I think he wants us, she and I, to have control over the communication. He says he feels guilty for not knowing which of us he wants to be with, so he is trying to be supportive of us both, but not lean on either of us for any kind of support for himself. He is completely open about the fact that he knows it’s a messed up deal, and just wants to get it figured out through counseling.