Dear Anita

i think that make so much sense. I haven’t told my current boyfriend no. My best friend is a man, and he was supporting me throughout this relationship and he doesn’t think too kindly of my ex.

I don’t really know what the closure is? Maybe just accepting that it’s ok to still care for people who have hurt you? Even if they aren’t sorry.

In my head I always imagined him saying sorry to me and it never came. It was almost as if he was enjoying the times he has ignored me or hurt me after we broke up. For a longtime he tried to get back together and mess with my emotions when I was trying to move on so maybe he feels too much shame to approach me, or none at all. I think this is probably all linked to how I processed what happened with my father. I think I felt I deserved a lot of stuff that happened in my first relationship and maybe this is purely about the rejection I have felt from men in my life.

now I have a man who is literally a gift from god! I don’t want to feel guilt over dreams and old emotions.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Lucy.

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions.

I have thought about this and I think its possible that its because I felt rejected by him and so I cant seem to let go of the feeling of rejection. It hurt me really bad at the time because I loved and cared about him. Its frustrating because I feel I have wasted a lot of energy trying to let that situation go and it was over 7 years ago! I will be living my life happily but when I have a dream it brings weird emotions and I feel low and think too much about the past. I don’t know if its because I never got closure. I just don’t want to think about him anymore because I genuinely am in love with someone else and this relationship is way better in every way! I tried opening up to my friend but I get the sense when I do that he gets mad because he thinks I’m still holding on and in a way my mind is not letting me forget.

Dear Anita,

No, I have tried searching her name into Fb and things like that and nothing comes up. She no longer lives near where I stayed as a child.

I just pray I didn’t cause her problems growing up but the likelihood is I have. I remember several bad things that happened to me as far back as aged 3 and 4. Children were also cruel to me growing up. However I don’t think of them in any sort of negative way. I just hope its the same for her. I was very controlling as a child with my peers and this is probably because I felt so out of control at home. I understand all the reasons behind why I was this way but it doesn’t make me feel any better.