Kelly,

Thank you for your apology but it’s not necessary. I wasn’t offended as such but I do feel that I’m not explaining things very well and that I’m placing people I care about in a bad light and this is not what I want because it’s really not true.
I really don’t know how his wife would react because I don’t know her but I personally don’t see anything wrong with giving someone a friendly peck on the cheek whether it be male or female. I’m not conservative in that way, I’m a bit of a touchy feely type. I like to hug people and am very affectionate, it’s the way I was brought up. I understand that some people may take this the wrong way but it really saddens me that we can’t hug and show each other affection in this world without it being seen as inappropriate or in some way sexual.

As for being excited by the situation, I’m really not. I wish desperately that I didn’t have these feelings towards him because it’s painful. It would be much simpler for me if these feelings didn’t exist and my connection with him didn’t exist but they do so I came on here to try and get some advice on how to deal with the feelings and move past them. However I’m sensing now that I’m not putting myself across very well which is why I said I’ll just leave it here. Nothing to do with your post offending me so please don’t worry about that.

Helen,

Once again you have given me a lot to think about and I genuinely appreciate it. I really don’t know how I would feel if he was to leave his girlfriend for me. I think I would feel guilty but deep inside I know he isn’t going to do that. If I’m honest with myself I know it’s not going to happen. So the question is why am I torturing myself. I’ve tried many different ways and times to let go, to try to distance myself from him, to only have contact with him on a strictly professional basis but it never seems to work. I always find myself drawn back into it all and he won’t let me detach myself either because if I was absent for a week he’d want to know why. I went to the gym the other day, no PT session booked, just to work out on my own and he came over and started chatting to me even though I had just walked in said Hi and gone about my business. I didn’t linger to have a conversation or anything but he came to me which leads me to think that I will have to leave the gym in order to avoid him. Part of me doesn’t want to avoid him because I really love his company but the part of me that is being objective can see I’m too attached and really need to let go some.

I do tend to torture myself with the “he did this, he did that, what does it mean?” and it’s driving me nuts. I really want to stop doing this so am really trying to take your advice. I have avoided bringing his Girlfriend up as him talking about her hurts me but if he was to bring her up in conversation I would chat with him about her and hide my jealousy. I have done that in the past.

I’m not sure if there is anyway to release this build up peacefully but I’m certainly going to try. I want to be able to let go and watch the flow of everything without reading too much into every little thing. I want to find that release and the strength to accept that this isn’t meant to be. I’m also concerned that I could be blocking out other potential relationships by having this fixation. I have been reading the meditation document you sent me and that is really helping me to see things in a different way. He is now on holiday for 2 weeks and while I am missing him, I am also going to use the opportunity for reflection while I am not caught up in the middle of it all.

Thanks again. Much love.

Yogabunny,

I have spent around 18 months hanging in there, hoping something may change but it doesn’t. I can only assume that he is committed to his girlfriend. He used to mention her but he doesn’t anymore. Sometimes if he is telling me about his weekend or something like that he’ll say “we went to the theatre” or something like that and by we I’m assuming he is talking about her but generally she doesn’t come up in conversation. I mentioned a guy that I was seeing a while back once and he got a very strange look on his face. Almost like a hurt look. Again, hard to explain. I’ve had a lot of trouble with work lately and have been flitting between jobs and at times it has looked like I may have had to leave that gym. Last time I finished a job he said “will you still come here if you get the other job?” and he had a genuine look of concern on his face like he was scared I’d be going. Maybe I should go. Would be interesting to see if he kept in touch if he was no longer my trainer/instructor.
I am pally with a few guys at the gym and after christmas earlier this year one of them came up to me and asked for a New Years kiss. Nothing pervy at all. He’s married and just a sweet guy and gave me a peck on the cheek to say happy new year. After he did it he looked straight at my trainer as if to see his reaction. They are both very pally with each other.

The thing that bothers me most is when he goes cold. it’s kind of obvious that he’s doing it on purpose. He tries to act like I’m not there but then I catch him looking at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He does that a lot too. He stares at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention but I’m so aware of him I always feel it. It’s the connection again. So hard to explain but sometimes we even move in sync and mirror each others body language. I do believe in past lives and soul mates and I do believe that he is one of mine. Hard to put into words but I do feel it with all my being. I’m glad you understand what I mean. I really don’t know what the answer to all this is. Fight or flight.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am truly grateful for all of your thoughts and opinions. There are a few varying view points and trust me I am looking at this from all angles.

Nikki – I appreciate your honesty. Truly. I don’t think you are rude but I can see I hit a bit of a raw nerve as you stated that you are scared of this happening with your fiance. I think a lot of what you have said makes perfect sense and I have taken what you have said onboard. I know this whole thing is doing me no good at all and something does need to change because its the what if’s that are killing me.

Helen – Another wonderful response from you. I totally agree with everything you have said. When it comes to the reciprocated feelings I have asked myself a million times if it is only percieved on my part because you are right, it’s totally in his job description to be friendly with everyone but I do sense there is something else there. I’m a fairly intuitive person and am not one to kid myself. No one is more surprised by the apparent affection he has for me than me so I have questioned it plenty.

Emma – Your response is totally different in a way to the others and you also have some valid points.I think we should be free to love who we wish and we can’t help loving someone but acting on it is another matter. Similar to The Ruminant’s response, people come and go, should we embrace the feelings and see them for what they are then move on or make a choice to act? I truly believe that even people who are in committed loving relationships feel themselves attracted to other people at times but if they truly value the person they’re with they don’t act on it. That doesn’t mean the attraction isn’t there.

Anyway I have a lot to think on. My heart has been telling me to hold on. My head tells me to let go that no good can come of it.

Thank you so much Helen. I have saved the PDF to my computer and will definitely read.

Thank you also for your kind words. It is a bit of a pickle because I don’t necessarily want him out of my life completely. My feelings for him aside he is a great trainer and believe it or not they are hard to come by. I’ve had a couple of awful ones.I’ve been with him for nearly 2 years. I didn’t have these feelings instantly, they took months to surface, the more I got to know him.
The last thing I would ever do is cause trouble for him or his girlfriend, I think like you said I just need to work out a way to cultivate that peace about the situation and if I fail then move on. I do love my gym and thats half the problem. I don’t really want to have to leave it. I try to ignore the way his face lights up when he sees me or the way he’s constantly beaming when he’s with me. Have told myself a million times its wishful thinking and that I’m imagining it but deep down I know I’m not. I feel a lot of love for him inside but keep it to myself. People have told me to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. I often think most situations in life are exactly what we need at the time and that we attract all these experiences for our souls growth. I just don’t know what this one is supposed to be teaching me yet.

Much Love

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by SpinBunny78.