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Madalina

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  • #361470
    Madalina
    Participant

    And another question: How can I forgive my parents and stop blaming them?

    I blame my father for how he was, even this means I am also blaming myself now for how I am… I blame my mother for not leaving when she saw how much pain he caused her…  I should have the ability to understand both, I want to, I try to, but still… a part of me, is hurt, is thirsty for love and safety and wants everybody to take care of her.

    This is another thing I didn`t put in the previous message.

    I dont have many people around and I am living with my boyfriend, as I mentioned and when he doesnt give me attention, I really snap and go into bitch mode. And he also has had some family trauma and sometimes is a bit distant and I tell him he can talk to me, but it`s very hard to open up… eventually he tells me, but after I tell him that he behaves strangely and that I know there is something on his mind…

    And other times, when I am blaming myself, when I see I am not that good of a person, I just wonder if would be better of without me. that my negativity and way of thinking might pull him down, especially since he thinks kinda big and wants to have success and be prosperous. While I am struggling with my emotion and find it hard to manage other aspects of life…

    My thoughts are kinda messy, looks like a diary page…

    #361462
    Madalina
    Participant

    Hei again!
    I am having a hard time trying to calm my mind. From time to time I go back to this and I make it a problem and talk to him and want to cry, because I am so afraid he’ll cheat or lie.

    I know we cannot be sure of anything on this life, only our responses. I read many psychology books, I am amazed How hard it is to control myself. Fear takes over and makes want to run.

    Yes, my childhood was bad, my father is an alcoholic Who had also this problem with trust, anxiety, depression and he became very violent with my mom. My entire childhood was made of 2 weeks of good dad and then 3 weeks or more of drunk dad Who beat mom repeatedly…

    I know that what’s happening is because of that and I am scared he’ll hurt me… Still my impulses are pretty strong lately.

    You said you struggled with Fear, how was it for you?

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 6 hours ago by Madalina.
    #360002
    Madalina
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank so much you took the time and responded me so soon. Yes, I have to admit that lately fear was very present… The things I didn’t do Last year I didn’t do them not because of him, but because of my fear… Not to mention even when I first arrived to the City a nice boy wanted to date him, I liked him, we’d had a lot in comon but didn’t let him get closer to me…

    II do have to be careful with this as I had an alcoholic and mostly absent father, also my past relationship were not very healthy… And from 2015 I haven’t had a stabile relationship…

    Thank you again, you are really Kind. May your life be filled with all the good you are trying to spread here. Take care!

    I will probabily write again, on other topics or similar. 🙂

     

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Madalina.
    #359615
    Madalina
    Participant

    Today I am grateful for:

    1. I am feeling more optimistic.

    2. I didn`t had so many intrusive thoughts.

    3. I have people around me that love.

    4. I am involved in a nice project that allows me to interact with a lot of international young people.

    5. I am healthy.

    6. The weather is nice.

     

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