Dear anita,

Thanks for always responding. I think what i did was not equal to what he did to me the whole times. He was rude every time we picked fights. He also didn’t want to care about my feeling although I already told him if he made me sad. I only said “i will kill you” in a not serious manner and it was not me being so furious, i kept my voice soft indicating its only an expression.

Trust me, in our relationship, I think I always forgave him no matter how big his mistake was. And what I wanted you to understand is that I believed he only wanted to push me away because he was ashamed of his friend! Not because my wrongdoing was unacceptable. Anyway, whether you still agreed that I was the one to blame here, I just want someone to understand that I did become a good girl the whole time, and he behaved that way just because he wanted to be free from me and because of his parents too..all I wanna understand is why he could do the cutting right away even 1 hour before we were laughing together in a video call and joking around!

His quick change of behavior was the one that I never forget. I just need to spit everything out here to reduce my heavy emotional baggage.

Dear Anita,

I did not threat him for real. It was just my expression of being upset because he didn’t text me while he was active in messenger. My threat was not supposed to be taken seriously cos I even said it in a soft tone. I think he was angry because i said that in front of his friend. His ego kicked in that’s why he reacted that way. But let’s say if he said that to me. I would just say “well, sounds I don’t have a choice than replying to your messages then”. I won’t be angry because if he said that in a soft tone, i would not think he is serious in saying such thing. But no. He tok it so far; breaking up with me, while 1 hour ago we were joking around.

The fact that he just wanted to shut me down like that really made me broken. Even if I did a wrong thing, I believed I deserve to be treated better, like maybe being given awarning first. Not suddenly being cut. Then what have we done the past one year for?? It’s not like I was just a regular girl, i was his girlfriend. Previously, he did many mistakes, but i always forgave him!! Many times! And i just made a mistake he didn’t wanna forgive me. This thing sucks.

Oh, btw, last night i dreamed of him…he died. Not only that, i saw how he died. Very tragic and horror . I saw his blood everywhere, he was hit and crushed . I woke up from my dream and got panicked. I cried out loud and i wanted to text him, but I can’t since we don’t text anymore.

What kind of sign is this or what does it mean?

Dear Anita,

Thanks so much for your kind response. I think I just need to continue working hard and pursuing my dreams. I just feel like I am not lucky, like any other girls outside . Those who have rich family who can help them out financially or spiritually. I kind of feeling lost in this world. I feel like life has beaten me up many times every time I try to pick my self up. My parents can’t understand what I am dealing with because I can’t tell them what I have been through, my mom is sick and if I tell her my problems, I am worried that she will keep thinking about me and it doesn’t sound good for her health.

So I am trapped with my emotional baggage alone without any back up. I have to face the world in my own feet. I try to be strong day by day, but sometimes I feel so weak and just wanna cry out loud.

Why is it so heavy?

Hi Anita, thanks for responding. I really need someone to talk right now. Well, i was just upset that he didn’t text me back but he was active in messenger so i said that if next time i saw him active but didn’t text me i will kill him. I expected a reply like “ok, babe, sorry for not reaching you out i will try to text you soon”, or something like “well, you won’t kill me!” I basically didn’t mean to kill him of course, I don’t know why he got so angry, he said “how dare u say you will kill me in front of my friend,” you did that on purpose right?” And when i wanted to explain, he already cut me off and asked me to fuck off. The next morning I found out that he unfriended me on Facebook. 🙁 i am so sad right now, I really feel guilty and wanted to apologize, but I know he won’t accept my calls. Plus I think he also blocked me in WhatsApp and messenger . Pls advise….