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Maybe you are right. As a child, I often find myself clinging to people, always afraid of being left behind or abandoned. I was still in elementary when I first experienced friends leaving me behind for other cooler people. As a child, I’ve experienced being by myself, feeling alone and rejected.
The fear of rejection and abandonment are almost always the reason why I cannot open up to new people. Having experienced my past, with my best friend leaving me behind because of a decision I’ve made for myself still hurts me until now. Why is it always so hard to let go of these traumas? How do I make myself understand that I must accept that it happened and just learn from them?margotescargotParticipant
Yes, my boyfriend and I are inseparable. With him, I don’t feel so alone because he understands me and listens to me when I am having a hard time. We connect on a deeper level and have also become good friends at the same time. You ask very hard questions because I am also having a hard time understanding why I feel more alone, subdued and introverted even when I have him as a support system.
I think that because of the pandemic, this has forced my boyfriend and I apart (we live in different towns). We are unable to see each other face to face as much as we want. This made me realize that I depend on him too much emotionally, because now that I rarely see him, my feelings of hurt and sadness from my lost friendship start to resurface and I am forced to confront them.
What you asked me really made me stop and think, I tried to rack my brain for a sensible answer because you are right. With my boyfriend, I should feel less alone and lonely, but I genuinely do not know why I feel like this. We do have the occasional fights. We have our misunderstandings, but we work on them. Him being the only person I can depend on has made me hold on to him tighter, and I am convinced that he might be the only one who can understand and tolerate me especially when I feel lonely.
I have made attempts at becoming more friendly and open with the people I work with, hoping that I will form new friendships along the way, but I have a hard time especially because they are extroverted and quite loud, that I feel like in order for me to get closer to people, I have to become like that myself.