Dear charlotteccnc:

I am a lesbian, and while I do not judge you for being secretive about your relationship (like many in the LGBT community often do), I want you to step back and understand that this wasn’t your decision. It was hers, and it removes a huge, important part of the relationship – respect. Enough respect to allow you to make equal parts of decisions in your relationship regarding whether it’s public knowledge, whether you can speak to others about the level of your connection, etc.

If you have only a public forum to turn to for support, and you cannot ask others in your life, the amount of control that this person has had over you is absolutely unacceptable. You are a beautiful soul that deserves more than that.

Please understand that this will always be the case. You need to have high standards for the way you are treated, because the secretism that is often prevalent in same-sex relationships can lead to a very high level of unhealthiness, overly controlling behavior and narcissistic expectation.

Find your strength, because you will need it. Not because this is a same-sex situation, but because it is a very hard thing to learn that you will always be the first person to know when something is wrong/unbalanced. Trust your feelings. You posted this because it wasn’t right. Turn away.