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    You’re on the right track. You can find yourself through subtraction. So the more you look for “who I am” and don’t find the answer the closer you are to your essence. So instead of being stressed about that you should look at it from the other direction and be happy. You’re on the right path. Also, understand that there is no hurry. The answer to the question “who am I” is a lifelong process. If you found out today, life would be boring! 😀

    Also, Matt’s advice is dead on.

    The one thing I would add is to exercise, get proper rest and eat healthy (i.e., cut out sugar, processed foods and white flour).

    You’re 20. Your body actually works… Join a sports team. (It doesn’t matter if you have zero talent.) That will make you use your body – which in turn will activate everything else. You might even make some friends who will be much more beneficial to you than a message board.

    peace and love!


    I would look at your problem with having the infatuation and question whether it was actually a problem or just a biological craving.

    You seem to be attached to the construct that it is a “problem”. I think it’s hormones – and completely natural.

    You just need to make sure you find a “good” guy.

    At 20 it’s hard. So go easy on yourself. And be nice to the guys. Remember they’re at least 4-5 years behind you in maturity.

    When I was 20 I was completely unprepared for all of this – especially as a guy. Good luck! 😀


    When we experience shifts is consciousness we can be a bit disorientated and, in some cases, impatient. There is a reason they say patience is a virtue. LOL!

    The key to progressing is to not judge other people or their seemingly inane conversations. Kidding. The truth is that no one is capable of having serious conversations all of the time. So give them some slack. Maybe it is just God having fun after all.

    More importantly use all of this as an opportunity to learn and expand your capacity for love.

    It’s very hard to meet people that you’ll connect with on a spiritual level. Forget your expectations and open your heart. The “right” people show up when it is time. There is nothing you can do about it. Just accept that you have been given a wonderful gift (the shift) and be aware that it is now your responsibility to share this gift with others – implicitly by example most likely.

    Start by learning to love yourself. And learn how to give yourself space; space to feel, space to process, space to read poetry, etc.


    You’re on the right track! The hardest part of all of this is to coming to the realization that you have already made. Now you just need to know what to do with this keen insight;

    Expand your capacity for self-acceptance. (This is what Matt from above was saying.)

    This capacity for self-acceptance is like a vessel. The larger the vessel the easier you will be able to process these emotions/feelings.

    While you’re doing this continue to observe your negative habits – like you’re the director of a documentary, starring YOU.

    When you actually carry through on one of your negative habits, write down (keep a journal with you) what your last thought was prior to the action.

    So for example; if you smoke you might think “I’m more productive when I smoke”, right before you smoke. Now look at that thought and ask yourself if it’s true?

    After the fact (whether you smoked or not) try to answer that question in a way that will take you away from smoking (or whatever your bad habit is). Come up with a more healthy response to the assumption.

    Eventually you will learn to replace the impulse for a cigarette with something more beneficial. Or, in some cases, the recognition of the dynamics of this process will be enough to draw it to a conclusion.

    This takes work and bravery. But you can do it.

    peace and love!


    That fact that you’re asking the question means that you already know that answer. From an outside perspective I would say; yes, he’s an alcoholic. Clearly!

    It’s very easy for me to jump up on a soap box and shout at you to LEAVE HIM, but you have to come to this realization yourself. In fact, nothing I, or anyone else, says matters. You have to look in the mirror and have an honest conversation with yourself.

    Like (the wise) Megyn suggested; if I were you I would look into and learn about “co-dependency”. It’s not a “bad” thing. It’s, largely, just a product of an empathetic person in a difficult situation.

    Please do not judge yourself. That’s easy to say but very, very, very hard to do.

    Chalk it up to experience.

    Yoga and meditation can help you as well as (free) support groups (Al-Anon).

    Your friends and family may not be able to help so I wouldn’t expect too much from them. You’ll have to really delve inside – really learn how to love yourself.

    You’re going to be fine! You’ve already taken the hardest step – reaching out. The rest is easy – comparatively.

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