Yes, of course. There is still a lot of work to do.

Thank you Anita, especially for helping me to see my part on this. This is always the most difficult part. I also understand that it is very difficult to see your own flaws sometimes, and the big part of personal growth is to own your own shadows. Altough she did some hurtful things to me, I know she is not a bad person. She carries a lot of anger, lot of grief. The most difficult part of this is that I really wanted to help her to help herself, and instead of that I only caused more pain. And at the same time I know I have to forgive myself. I know I did not want to cause harm. I just did not know what I am doing. And I think this applies to almost everybody. People do not intentionally hurt each other. It makes me really sad that she thinks that my apologies had 100% selfish motive. What I tried to do was validating her hurt feelings and make sure that she does not take all the guilt. I have to admit that I needed that too, so thats why I went to counseling in the first place. With her I was never able to get that validation. But again, her reaction tells me that she really cared about me and I let her down. I have always felt so unlovable that it was impossible to believe that somebody really loves me and will be there for me. I hope that maybe one day she understands that I cared about her too. I know that right now she does not think that way.

Well, I guess there is nothing I can do to repair the damage I have caused. I know she will never, ever forgive me. All I can do is to hope that she will be very happy in her life and pray for her. So sad. We were so good to each other before things got messy.

No,Thank you again Anita. I think you are right, and I have to take responsibility of that. So do you think it is true that this is all my fault? Or do you think this was an encounter of two broken people? Im asking this because those feelings of being invisible, unheard and unknown apply to me as well. Maybe the old saying “water seeks its own level” is true.

Thank you Anita for your answer. I guess the answer is yes, but only after I gave in. She never agreed to go to therapy. She told me she was not ready. That she needs her pain.  She never, ever gave me any credit when we disagreed about something. When she was sad, I was doing my best to understand what she was thinking and feeling. When I was feeling sad, it was just about me being demanding, complaining or negative. She never said she is sorry (like she ment it). Not a single time. It was always 100% my fault. And she really knew what to say to make me feel really bad about myself. And I think she chose her words to do exactly that. It was like I became her enemy or something, like a burden. And now she says that I am selfish and only care about myself. Seriously? Now, when I write this I can almost hear her voice in my head saying things like: “Now you are crying about your stuff in internet forum. PATHETIC!” “Stop lying!” “This is not what happened!” “I was acting like I was because you were so selfish!” “You were not good enough!”

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Mika.