Home→Forums→Relationships→I was ghosted 9 months ago and now this person has texted me dot know what to do
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Anonymous.
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July 15, 2018 at 11:48 am #216779
Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantI had a long distance relationship this person who was my best for 3 years and then 9 months ago stop calling me…literally ghosted me and just recently texts me to see how I am doing…. I am so confused I don’t know he wants from me now. I cared a lot for him and was hurt when I did not hear again from him I just let it be. Now it has all come back all those emotions. Please help I am truly confused.
July 15, 2018 at 1:43 pm #216791
InkyParticipantHi Kdmj0644,
This is what I would do:
He didn’t contact you for nine months? Fine. Find out what the date is nine months from NOW. Get next year’s calendar. Mark it down: Text Joe Back. In April of 2019 reply to his text: “Hey, glad to see you’re back from the dead! Well, I got married and have a kid on the way.” Now he will know what it’s like to be ghosted himself. And also he will be all, “Wait, WHAT?? Is she kidding? Or did she really??” and freak out that life went on without him.
I love giving people life lessons!
Good Luck and remember to have fun with this,
Inky
July 16, 2018 at 9:54 am #217055
AnonymousGuestDear Kdmj:
He ghosted you and then contacted you. You are confused.
I suggest that you ask him why he ghosted you. If you do ask him. If you want, you can post here his answer and I give you my thoughts about his answer.
anita
July 16, 2018 at 7:20 pm #217123
WendyParticipantI was ghosted last month by my boyfriend of a year, who was moving in with me and vanished…he texted me the next day begging me back but now that I have spent a ton of time looking into the whys, I am Pretty positive he has abandonment issues and definitely has many traits of Someone with borderline personality disorder. He literally broke my heart, but I cant Be in a toxic relationship full of chaos.
July 22, 2018 at 11:41 am #218131Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantThank you for responding. No explanation for ghosting me. He attempted to put it on me and say that he did not hear from me. I was like really, wtf….He was being his old self like nothing happened. He told me “he was concerned about me and was hoping I was doing fine and not lonely” What did he mean by that? Was he sincere? really? I went right back to the past for a moment when he texted. I caught myself and told him I was just doing fine. It truly threw me off but for a half a day.
In my head this whole 9 months I had been weeding out his presence. He kept texting me and I just stopped and did not respond. All these feeling I was feeling had me in a whirlwind so it felt.
The next day I texted him telling him that we have grown apart and that I moved on as he did. I did not know what he wanted from me and that I am working on myself and that I just don’t need to be involved no more. He texted me back saying that you could at least say hello. Weird ….Mixed signals is what I m getting now. This whole time he could not call on the phone and talk with me. What was up with that? Maybe another red flag right?
I know now what I must do for my peace of mind and for me. So much to work on …I can’t continue this relationship nor can I be his friend. And after soulful dialogue…. I will tell him this relationship is not serving me and I will walk away in peace. Whew…I can do this….
July 22, 2018 at 11:44 am #218133Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantThank you for responding this is a good one too! Life lessons they come and go. This is a wake up call for me to work on myself. Now I know….
July 22, 2018 at 11:48 am #218135Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantThank you for responding. My only advice from what I am experiencing is to get some kind grounding and know that you will be ok and time is on our side. In the mean time take care of yourself. Get out of the relationship. You know what is right for you pay attention. This is what I have been doing. Don’t want to be sad no more. People come and go our lives for a reason. Take care.
July 23, 2018 at 7:29 am #218241AnonymousGuestDear Kdmj:
You wrote: “this whole 9 months… He kept texting me and I just stopped and did not respond”. In your original post you wrote that in those 9 months he stopped calling you. Do you mean that in those nine months he stopped calling you but that he did text you?
anita
July 23, 2018 at 8:22 am #218251Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantSorry, what I meant to say is that I did not hear from him for nine months, no calls, no texting. And then out of nowhere and just recently he texted me and wanted to know how I was doing. It threw me off. He continued to text me and wanted to know what I was doing. Like nothing happened and he was his old self. I ignored the text and did not respond just because all those feeling came flooding back. The next day I texted him letting him know where I stood. I hope this makes sense?
July 23, 2018 at 9:13 am #218213
Jane8667ParticipantI had experience of ghosting for 5 months last year. Unbelievably I got a hand written card after I failed to reply to texts and fishing from my friends. What amazed me is the apparent ‘rush’ after months of nothing and they had ghosted me. It all felt uncomfortable and one year on, after falling for the ‘soulmate’ line, again…I find myself in the same situation. Groundhog Day.
My life has involved long term relationships (17 years) up to this point, with true love previous to this. Feeling unsure and on the back foot all the time, I felt anxious and unhappy with the ghoster….not settled. Always fearing loss. I will not return again.
I really loved the ghoster, but it’s my belief that love is not possible with someone who treats you with so little respect. I would not treat someone like this, and I want to love and be loved by someone with mirrored values and beliefs. Out of interest my 17 year relationship was full of laughter, friendship and ‘we liked all the same people and disliked all the same people’…..most of all it was easy and we are still respectful to each other. It’s been a learning curve for me…I hope you find your happy….
July 24, 2018 at 7:21 am #218509
MikaParticipantDear OP,
If it was a friend of mine asking this question, I would advice him/her NOT to be involved with this person. On other words, go no contact and do not ever speak with him again. Ghosting is very cruel and I do not think you or anyone deserves this kind of treatment. Why he ghosted you is not relevant. There will always be excuses, and the fact that he is blaming you for his own unacceptable behavior sounds very alarming to me.
July 24, 2018 at 8:40 am #218525AnonymousGuestDear kdmj:
Yes, it makes sense to me. Well, he acts as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t ghost you for nine months. But something did happen: he did ghost you for nine months. It is convenient for him to ignore these nine months. You don’t have to cooperate with his choice, to act as if nothing happened. If he refuses to acknowledge and explain his withdrawal from you, his ghosting you, then better ignore him altogether. Place him back where he belongs: in your past and keep him there.
anita
July 24, 2018 at 8:56 am #218533Kdmj0644@gmail.comParticipantThank You ! I will do that put him in my past and keep there!
July 24, 2018 at 11:03 am #218563AnonymousGuestGood plan, Kdmj. You are welcome and post again anytime you’d like.
anita
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