Forum Replies Created
June 3, 2022 at 4:34 pm #401799mikuParticipant
I’m so glad to hear that! No worries at all, I hope you are doing well since my response and taking it easy.
It’s absolutely pivotal that in challenging moments like these (and life is abundant in them), that we show up for ourselves first . When you take a moment to breathe, accept the situation fully without judgement or shame, and validate what you’re going through internally – you will find the strength to go through whatever that is manifesting externally. And then…you see if becomes easier to let go. Little by little. After all, we cannot be there for other people if we are not there for ourselves, as the relationship with self is the foundation for our relationships with others. That will make it a much more simple and easier endeavour to respond to the situation, and communicate with your boyfriend in a way that is authentic to you, and you’re not projecting all of the pain and hurt you’re currently processing instead.
It sounds like a wise decision to maybe put a pause on intimacy with your bf right now. When you’re both sufficiently healed from the situation, you’ll be able to connect on a deeper level the next time you have sex.
Relationships suffer when people don’t communicate effectively and it’s because people don’t take the time to check in with themselves first. It sounds like you’re doing a great job showing up for yourself 🙂 I wish you the best of luck with yourself, and with your relationship. I have no doubt in the mind you will know what steps to take next.
MMay 30, 2022 at 3:32 pm #401516mikuParticipant
I literally just made an account to respond to your post lol, so first of all thank you for the incentive to make an account!
Your story is very familiar, this kind of thing happens all the time, so I do want to preface this by saying you are not alone (see Ross and Rachel “We Were On A Break!” from Friends, a classic case of this displayed on television).
I would advise that you let yourself feel whatever you’re currently feeling fully, which seems to be hurt and betrayal. The more you push away these feelings, the longer they’ll stay and they’ll fester away which I’m sorry to say, is a recipe for disaster when it comes to relationships. You love your boyfriend, and you made a commitment to each other, so it hurts to think that he slept with someone else especially during such a challenging period. Especially considering he’s the only person you’ve ever slept with, it’s no wonder that this is a great deal for you. Sex, for the most part, is a very intimate act. So, your feelings are very valid in this situation and don’t for one second feel like they’re wrong or bad. It’s going to hurt – but as they say “the only way out is through”. And more you allow these feelings to flow through you (what you resists persists), you’ll soon see how little power those images have over you. And you’ll laugh. Laugh at the silly mistake your boyfriend made.
That being said if you love your boyfriend and want this relationship to work you have to “feel the pain to heal the pain”, communicate clearly and FORGIVE him. It sounds like he was acting out and retaliating when he thought you were sleeping with someone else. This is why clear and direct communication is important, because wires got crossed in this situation majorly. He also sounds incredibly remorseful for his actions, and I do respect that he came clean and told you the truth (green flag!). Also remind yourself, and it’s a hard truth but: technically you weren’t together when he slept with someone. I know it hurts but commitments weren’t being crossed and you never mentioned that you made some sort of clear verbal agreement to not sleep with anyone else during your break.
I would say it’s also important that you tell your bf that you are still hurt because you keep imagining him sleeping with someone else, that you still love him, but will need some time to heal. You’re not going to help the healing process by throwing it in his face, but actually by taking some time to process it and bonding with him. Strengthen and reignite that connection, and you will see that he didn’t sleep with the other girl because he liked her, or he wanted to disrespect you – but because he couldn’t bear the pain of losing you and decided to suppress that pain in an unhealthy way.
It sounds like you both really care about each other and that connection should be your touchstone for when you feel like the other person is out to hurt you. He’s not. He sounds young and a little foolish, but it sounds like deep down he cares for you. Weather the storm and your relationship will come out stronger than ever.