Hi Roary

I know you’re struggling, as am I. I’ve been in a nervous breakdown for 13 months now after the previous 5 years of anxiety wearing me down. It all led to CFS and I’ve not left the house in almost a year. I’m almost bedroom ridden, and as a wife and mother it’s tore me apart with guilt for this happening to me.

Believe me I know how it feels to be rock bottom because over the last 12 months there have been a couple of occasions when I thought what is the point, I’m just a lump lying on my bed who can’t function. I was having 12 hour panic attacks and I  could not do a single thing. What I will say is if you end it, all hope of achieving the life you want is gone. Whilst you’re here there is hope. I know exactly how you’re feeling because the last 13 months especially have been the worst of my life. I still cry and think I will never recover. I can’t imagine being sociable again because I have extreme social phobia now, the only people I see are my husband and children. It’s like life is too overwhelming now, I can’t cook, do the washing I can’t do appointments, I can’t go anywhere it’s extremely isolating.

If I’m not giving up then you should not give up either because if we give up then our chance of life has gone. We’re not going to get it back. Life is a gift and even if it’s hard it is a gift, we only get one shot at it and I’m not willing to throw that away.

It’snot any different because I have children, ok they give me an incentive to keep trying because I would never do that to them ever. Yet you should think that you’d never do it to your partner or your parents, because think what it would do to them, they could end up severely depressed and destroyed losing you in such a way. I wouldn’t want to put my husband and children through that, and that is why I never have. I am estranged from my mum but I still wouldn’t put her through that.

I’m not saying my situation is worse than yours I’m just saying that I’ve been rock bottom and still am really. I’m not giving up  for the reasons I’ve stated . I really hope you can find some peace  and just give up the struggle and maybe if we just accept the situation we are in  recovery will come to us one day  by giving up their struggle . I’ve been in anxiety and depression for 6 years after a trauma with my ex family members. I know how awful it can be.

We need to stop comparing yourself to other people and just love who we are because it’s not our fault that this happened to us  it doesn’t make it any less of a person. Our loved ones still love us dearly and that’s all we need.

Sending you a hug.

J