another p.s.

I keep thinking of more things because I was writing another post, asking for advice, and I keep realizing what more of my current problems are. Jeez, I have so many!

I’m also grieving over recent losses, several in recent years – several relatives and a cat, too. Then there was my husband’s open heart surgery. That was hard, too. Thank goodness he’s fine, but we both need to be doing better, health-wise.

So, yes, I’d say I’m struggling. I think I fit that description. 🙂

p.s. I forgot to say that a main thing for me is that I have bad sleep caused by a longtime health condition. A health condition that is hard to fix because of my food addictions/cravings/whatever you call them. Not easy.

I might be too complex for your study?

Mimi

kavita,

I like what Inky said, with that “No!” technique. That sounds like a much quicker way to get to the results that I finally got with my nagging and critical mother.

My mother was much like yours, always criticizing me about everything. I would just bite my tongue (for the first 30 years of my life), but when I would leave her presence, I was so upset. Eventually, I kept cutting her off completely. I would tell her off, usually in a letter, and then not speak to her for months or longer. After about 3 times of this she actually learned to stop nagging at me. I’m sure that at that point she probably still thought everything negative and just didn’t say it, or would say it to others behind my back, but at least that was something I could live with.

Now, though, years later, she’s actually turned into a loving, caring mother. I don’t know how, but she grew up. Well, mostly. She still picks on other people sometimes, but not me. She knows I won’t put up with it. Her nagging seems to come out when she is anxious. She either can’t face herself or what is going on around her, and she becomes critical of people. She thinks she’s helping them, but only makes them mad. She’s good to me, though.

The funny thing is, she would criticize me all the time, my whole childhood and part of my adulthood, but most of the time, even now, if you criticize her in any way she almost falls apart. She can dish it out, but not take it – at all. It’s so strange.

I don’t know if this helps you at all. Well, maybe it just helps to know that someone else experienced a lot of what you have. I must say, though, I don’t believe what some people have said (not here, but elsewhere) – that people don’t change, etc. They can change, if they care enough about having you in their life. It has to come to the point where you say that this is damaging to me, so either stop it or stay away from me. At least, that’s how I had to do it. I think if I hadn’t forced my mom to change, I might not even be alive now, because the stress of her nagging and criticism would’ve killed me.

Oh, another thing is that now my mom actually sees and understands some of what she’s done in the past and has apologized (I never thought it would happen). She sees it because of her grandson and his bad father. She’s gained some understanding of what I went through because of seeing what her grandson goes through. So, there really is hope. I’m living proof, and so is Inky.

Mimi

I agree with the idea of squeezing bits of exercise in throughout the day. Do some deep breathing during your commute or while at work. I know that’s not exercise, but it’s still healthy. You can also do stomach pull-ins or butt clenching almost anytime during the day and no one will notice (when driving or sitting at work).

Are there things you can do with your daughter to get some exercise while also spending time with her? Like, can you put music on and dance around? Most kids love to do that. You will be giving her good memories of time with Mom and also creating a love of exercise in her. You could also get DVDs that are meant for kids to move to, and just do some of those moves with her.

Also, if you could do 5 minutes of gentle aerobic exercise or light weights before your morning shower, a 5 minute walk during your lunch hour, and a few stretches before bed, you will be getting even more exercise. Just little bits can really add up, and you will probably feel a lot better, too!

p.s.

Now that I am reading the other replies more fully, I realize that there were many good replies before I wrote. All of the suggestions about things to do, places to go, etc. are right on the mark!

Think about things you really love, or would like to try. Even if you do them by yourself, that will build confidence. Or bring along someone who isn’t just a magnet for the looks-obsessed guys.

Have fun and you will be more beautiful, both to yourself and to everyone!