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MissLDuchess

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #449168
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Now I am better about being transparent even if it may make some people uncomfortable. Even now when people ask me if I made a lot of friends in college it still stings. I’ve learned the hard way that boundaries never scare away the people who really care. Like this time of year when it’s full of college move-in ads and how college is everyone thrives no matter how weird they are and how unpopular they were in high school. My mom did always pressure me to befriend people she thought looked good on paper even if we never clicked or got along well. Trying to be open to her about my issues and how the suggestions that work for her have not helped me is like speaking English to someone and they answer you in Chinese. I keep in touch with some my friends from my international school days and the friends I met living abroad on social media since we don’t live in the same country. My best friend from childhood lives around 45 minutes away and so does another friend but we try to see each other whenever we can. Likely due to my neurodivergence I’ve never been able to be friends with people who are too different from in age, background, political views, etc. It’s easier to connect with people who actually share my values than people just because “they’re there” like my mom tries to force me to do.

    #449134
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Hello Alessa,

    Sending you lots of love. Your little boy is so lucky!

    #449133
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    What was most embarrassing for me in college was when family members would pester me about my non-existent “college friends” and having no such people to celebrate my birthday with or hang out with in the summer. Eventually I confessed I was struggling because everyone I tried to befriend ended up hurting me so I became jaded and resigned.

    #449132
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Luckily in high school I had teachers and a guidance counselor who looked out for me as well as nice friends. In college I was not as lucky. I just constantly became cynical and distrustful of others assuming everyone was out to hurt me. It really set my confidence back and I felt like a bullied 12 year old all over again.

    #449120
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Well these mean girl’s pranks were more like hazing activities. Since I was so worried about looking like a friendless loser I tolerated it although I ended up being a laughing stock. In college when I was the loneliest ever my mom tried to force me to join a club thinking it would help me make friends even though they did “pranks” like forcing people to drive blindfolded. I refused luckily.

    #448711
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Hello Isabel. Thank you for the response. I recently got an official NVLD diagnosis on Friday which isn’t surprising but part of me is a bit resentful because I feel like if I’d known this 10-15 years ago I wouldn’t have struggled so much as a teen and in college but you live and learn. The report said I was a “bright, articulate, kind young woman” who “presents as friendly and polite and makes good eye contact”. That broke my heart to hear because I spent so much of my life believing I was a terrible freak of a person and deserved to be bullied and ostracized because I didn’t fit in easily. Since I’ve moved back to NY I’m trying to not make mistakes I made in college of going home on weekends to avoid putting myself out there since I quickly became jaded and resigned that I didn’t click with people in my immediate vicinity my freshman year. I attended a 222 event yesterday to put myself out there and exchanged Instas with a few people. I also have been reading a book called Platonic by Dr. Marisa Franco and some of the advice was to reach out to old friends or acquaintances which I did. It still feels a bit frustrating that I feel so lonely but if 1 year from today I’m happier and feel I have more of a support system I’ll be a happy camper.

    #448703
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Even my supervisor agrees that my colleague’s behavior is inconsiderate and unprofessional since this is a work environment not a college dorm room. She’s told him indirectly to use headphones.

    #448702
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Whenever I see a cute baby I think how lovely it would be to have one of my own when I have a partner and more financial stability.

    #448701
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    I do genuinely want to have a family of my own one day not because this is something society is imposing on me. I’m trying to enjoy my life and expand my social circles and let everything fall into place when the timing is right. I’m glad that with my noisy, inconsiderate co-worker at least my supervisor is aware and I have an ally at work compared to my ill-matched noise, brash, inconsiderate college roommate who made my life hell and wouldn’t know a boundary if it bit her.

    #448422
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Hello Anita.

    Thanks for the support. She was the one who had a possessive fiancé who stalked me online not her which was the icing on the cake of this disastrous pairing.

    #444757
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Yesterday I actually confronted a former friend who had me disinvited me from her birthday party in 6th grade. Her mother would call my parents saying nasty things about me for some stupid childish thing I said at 11 years old as the reason for me being disinvited. Later her mother told this girl I couldn’t even sit at the same table as them at lunch. This person and some other peers would gang up on ostracizing me. The bullying and anxiety was so bad I left public school after 7th grade. Since I moved to a different area near where this person has lived for a while she asked me to hang out since we live nearby a while ago. This was awkward for me and when I asked my mom for advice she said to not give her a second chance which I found a bit strange since she usually believes in killing people with kindness and giving everyone more chances than they deserve. I told this person that what she and her mother did to me was extremely traumatic and for years I’ve struggled to fully trust trust others and develop closer friendships due to fear of being betrayed once people see my flaws if I let them into my home and family. This person gave a half-assed apology and said “I’m sorry this happened to you” but I’m still proud of myself for speaking my truth regardless of how the other person might’ve reacted. Obviously it’s easier to do this virtually since I don’t have to worry about how reactive the other might become or if they’ll throw a nasty fit like other abusive people have done if I tried to tell them their behavior was hurtful.

    #444726
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    I hope that even if I don’t become the next pop sensation which is most likely to happen, this symbolizes no longer being afraid of rejection or what others think. Hopefully by not caring so much I’ll finally find the people and opportunities that were meant for me instead of struggling to bloom where I’m planted.

    #444699
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    So did I and everyone told me I had a pretty voice so I was adamant I could be the next Miley Cyrus. My parents said I could try to make it as a singer if I married a millionaire so I had to pursue the traditional route of college. I was very shy about singing in public and for years suppressed my creative dreams. I was too overwhelmed with academic demands due to my learning disability and time management skills that I didn’t fully engage in extracurricular activities since the few clubs I tried felt cliquey. Now I am hoping to submit an audition for a talent show abroad even if the chances are one in a million just to put myself out there. Right when this identity crisis began around February I saw this ad and viewed it as a sign.

    #444696
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    Thank you. Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of ruminating over unpleasant experiences that I thought I’d gotten over. Obviously I’m not the same person I was when I was 18 so I’ve made my fair share of mistakes since I was naive, young, and afraid of upsetting people. It does feel like there were many times when I couldn’t catch a break and had to be in fight or flight mode around certain people who saw I was much more vulnerable than them and took advantage of me. I did what I had to do at the time without knowing any better but still beat myself up for not being braver or more transparent. I was lucky enough to have parents who supported me unconditionally during college but other than my family I dealt with most struggles on my own. I have a disorganized attachment style so as much as I have a lot of love to give and want close, meaningful friendships I am afraid of being vulnerable with the wrong people and being badly hurt again. It’s the same with dating because I had boy drama in high school and had crushes in college but never put myself out there out of fear of being rejected and made to feel I was ugly, invisible, and unpopular. I constantly wonder what my life would’ve been like if I had been lucky enough to get accepted to my dream school and would’ve never crossed paths with these unpleasant people from college, if I’d chosen to chase stardom as an actress/singer like I wanted to do as a kid and teen, or if I was married with kids by now since maybe I’d be happier and my life would have purpose.

    #444693
    MissLDuchess
    Participant

    This person also was unable to take accountability. If I tried to express a grievance she’d keep score of something wrong I did in juvenile “but you did this” or “you started it”, would tell me to “stop being frustrated with her” despite the fact that she’d deliberately do things she knew were disruptive and inconsiderate, or that I’m “too sensitive” and that she was “sorry I felt that way”. In instances where I have to deal with unpleasant people I encounter today I’m better at being cordial and not taking their behavior personally but I won’t attempt to get too close if my gut tells me they are bad news. No friendship for me is a lost cause unless someone has been extremely cruel to me. I don’t have the time and energy for drama or enemies. While I have run into people from my past, luckily I have never crossed paths with this person again. It’s like we were never meant to be in each other’s lives.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)