In the past like in college I’d try to polite and friendly but never genuinely clicked with anyone or found any peers who liked me enough to hang out with me. I have been trying to tell people I appreciate their kindness and they still don’t show interest in a friendship. At work my colleagues are 20 years older than me and are very different in terms of personalities and interests so we’re cordial but will likely never be close. I prefer a handful of close friends over 100 casual acquaintances any day. As a teen and in college I was afraid of putting myself out there due to gossip but I realize however blatantly rejects me is not meant to be my friend.

All I ask for in a partner is a good person who is kind, respectful, loving, hard-working, and shares my values.

I’ve always enjoyed singing and used to be in a choir in elementary and middle. I event sent in an audition for The Voice earlier this year and was rejected lol. Luckily I’m meeting up with and old friend from my international school days next week. I also recently got in touch with my elementary school psychologist who remembers me fondly and was always very kind. It’s heartwarming reconnecting with people who remember me fondly before experiences that really set back my confidence like college.

Hello Anita,

Well luckily I’m not longer living in the city I disliked and have my Master’s. I’m trying really hard to put myself out there but haven’t had much luck yet. Everyone says friendships take time so I’m trying to not make the same mistakes I did in college.

It still hurts I was treated like a leper in college and all my attempts at putting myself out there failed.

Online friendships helped me get through really lonely times like college but if I’d known years ago that I’d lost 2 full years of my early 20’s thanks to a pandemic maybe I’d have been better and putting myself out there more. Nothing compared to having a friend in close proximity.

Now I am better about being transparent even if it may make some people uncomfortable. Even now when people ask me if I made a lot of friends in college it still stings. I’ve learned the hard way that boundaries never scare away the people who really care. Like this time of year when it’s full of college move-in ads and how college is everyone thrives no matter how weird they are and how unpopular they were in high school. My mom did always pressure me to befriend people she thought looked good on paper even if we never clicked or got along well. Trying to be open to her about my issues and how the suggestions that work for her have not helped me is like speaking English to someone and they answer you in Chinese. I keep in touch with some my friends from my international school days and the friends I met living abroad on social media since we don’t live in the same country. My best friend from childhood lives around 45 minutes away and so does another friend but we try to see each other whenever we can. Likely due to my neurodivergence I’ve never been able to be friends with people who are too different from in age, background, political views, etc. It’s easier to connect with people who actually share my values than people just because “they’re there” like my mom tries to force me to do.

What was most embarrassing for me in college was when family members would pester me about my non-existent “college friends” and having no such people to celebrate my birthday with or hang out with in the summer. Eventually I confessed I was struggling because everyone I tried to befriend ended up hurting me so I became jaded and resigned.