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Jupiter

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  • #388202
    Jupiter
    Participant

    I don’t see laziness at all in your post. I see so many great qualities, insight, sensitivity, concern and intelligence.
    I have struggled with the same thing you describe but on a lesser scale, and without the ADHD. But the pain from working is always there. I literally don’t understand how people can stay for years in the same job. I can make it about 1 year before hitting a wall, but I keep going for a while longer. Usually 3 years, then I quit, but in my profession people often stay for decades. One thing I really liked was temping, because I had much less emotional pressure knowing the job was not supposed to be permanent. I was able to handle the bad vibes more easily because I didn’t have that trapped feeling. Maybe you could write down exactly what is involved in your desire to run away. Is it about you feeling badly about yourself, like you are not doing things perfectly? Is it that you feel that the people around you are scary for some reason or another? Whatever it is, just do a stream of consciousness writing or thinking to get to the core. Put all the reasons together and see if there is a common thread. And then, maybe try to unpack that, and set up some small goals on facing those issues.
    definitely worth talking with a counselor or career counselor also to see if they could assist.

    #125853
    Jupiter
    Participant

    Hi Dude, yes life is harder for us HSPs, but it can be awesome. What jumps out at me is your thinking patterns – saying you have wasted the last 10 years of your life- that’s a big burden to carry. So you were expecting that at 16, you would have been productively settled in a fulfilling life that needed no changing? You are still very young. Take your life in smaller bits. You have a girlfriend, great. You have interests, that’s wonderful (some people really do not!). You struggle with energy, so self-care is important. Chronic fatigue can be the cause and result of depression. Depression is a crisis of the soul. So fill your soul. Volunteer with animals for a while – see how it feels. I worked at a cat rescue and it was wonderful. Just a few hours every week. Changed my life, honestly. If you like it – great! You will meet people – you can investigate other jobs with animals – being a vet tech, etc. I’m sorry to say, but at 46, I have learned that you must work to survive. There is no escaping that, but you can find something that fits. I am a counselor for children. It works well for me and pays enough that I can live and enjoy the modest things that I like (taking care of my daughter, owning a home in the woods, raising show chickens, having 3 cats, etc). Read Ekhart Tolle. Take the next right step forward, in 10 minute increments each day. Say to yourself “This step before me” and “Thank you god for showing me my path” – over and over until you have the energy to do one thing – brush your teeth, then the next, etc. Set out a time to brood in advance but until then, stay in some motion, even if it is like a sloth. When I am on the computer like this, I am returning texts to friends, getting up to wipe the counters of the kitchen, drinking coffee, and have the next step planned out. If you know that you are already enough, a fully formed human that is allowed to enjoy life – allowed to seek your joy – you can rest inside a bit. Your girlfriend will only panic if you give up on yourself. That she cannot fix. And you cannot give to others what you do not have yourself. So fill yourself with something, so you can give her some gift from your heart. A few minutes of undivided attention. A joke and a laugh together. A cup of coffee you made for her. Play with her hair for 5 minutes. This will fill her with joy and yourself also. Then announce your intention – I’m going to __ now and don’t let her persuade you to skip that (unless you have prior plans together). She will admire your self-direction. Make a joke of looking at the want-ads. I have worked in so many different types of jobs! Been a dishwasher at a hipster italian restaurant and partied to the late hours. Been a bartender. Been a probation officer. Child counselor. Dog walker. Boyfriend propper-upper. They were all me and not me at the same time. We play roles until we find the one that takes the least effort and we want to keep exploring. At 26 it would be sad indeed if you were at your last role, go to a bar or coffee shop and talk to 46 year old guys who have never changed course, and you will be glad of your discontent and seeking heart. Your life will have the beauty of many discoveries and please change and grow along with them along the way.

    #125851
    Jupiter
    Participant

    Of course you are not wrong, he wants different things and you must find the strength to honor that. If he was cheating and you needed to find out (rather than him being honest about it) then you really don’t know him at all. He can’t be your soul-mate if he’s that dishonest. He’s an actor playing the role of the amazingly confident person that you think he is. Inside, he is not strong if he can’t be honest – he isn’t even honest with himself. Find yourself and fill up on what makes you whole. You are so young! Not that I have it figured out at my age, but there are basic, fundamental aspects of a relationship that you are missing in this person. Therefore, you aren’t really losing what you think you are losing. Does that make sense?

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)