Many thanks Anita for your input.
My struggle is she is ny mom and ive always been taught you respect no matter what. I probably have not shown my appreciation the way she wants, because the relationship closeness was never there and her critical and judgemental voice. I am easily discouraged and if someone talks to me in away that diminishes my spirit i do tend to hide that from them, for fear of being critisced. Mom complains i treat my family with no respect and love. Its a complex story and i regret some of the things ive done but its only cos ive felt awkward and uncomfortable with my family.

It does bother me mom doesnt respect my boundaries, but she genuinely believes shes not in the wrong. All the attacks and negativity is either from her own illness and out of love.
I havent seen my mom in 3 wks now andcthat plays in the back of my mind since my dad tge messenger says that hes disappointed i dont go see her. But they arent putting steps in place to make it easy. My dad picks up my kids to visit my mom. Like if u want to fix it then do it together. I am too weak to go visit her, mainly because im damned if i do, im damned if i dont. If i see her, i will do something wrong or wont meet her expectations and she wont talk to me again!! Like she has done several times recently. I dont have energy for this tip toe, bending over backwards behaviour. I want to focus on my kids, my husband and my happiness.

Ive always tip toed around my mom. If i was ever late to lunch because kids are kids. The tone in her voice but not even that her body language. Ice always stressed anything to do with my family, ive always been uptight and never showed my true personality.

One of my brothers has distanced himself and he only comes when he decides to. I dont know if his issues are similar to mine re mom but im too afraid tonopen up for fear of rejection and he is ultra sensitive so dont want to rock the boat. I know he hasnt lived his life the way he wants because of moms expectations. Well one example i know not sure if thats why he distanced him from all of us.

How are you coping with your prigress without your mom? Do you still go to therapy. Have you read many books on this subject better. Ive read “will i ever be good enough?” By Karyl McBride. Can i recommend if you havent already read it to go out and read it. Its brilliant book, spoke directly to me.

Warm Regards
Misunderstood

Hi Inky, arghh i just wrote a long post for an error to pop up.
I am glad that you you found a way to deal with your mom and find some peace back in your life. Those suggestions will help I hope. I dont usually like to talk about myself. But sometimes mom wants to find out more about me. I am not 7sually comfortable sharing details of me, for fear of judgement and criticism. I am not doing it her way or i am being wasteful or careless or whatever negative thing comes to mind. I have never been told of anything good ive done, but as soon as i do wrong. Its the first thing to be said. My mom complained that i dont complain about my husband. She wants me to share his bad habits. She complained about this because her friends daughter shared with her mum. So we should have a relationship like her friend and daughter. I dont like to air my problems to anyone, especially parents for fear of worry and critiscm and for fear of being used against me, which has happened with out areas. You learn from your mistak3es right, share what you are comfortable with.
Also, there is a cultural issue comeing from a European background where double standards between me and my brothers. They too havechad turbulent relationships with my parents, but they were the instigators in those cases and my parents backed off for fear of losing them and all the blame placed on my father. Its hard being a daughter/girl. I just want peace and understanding and time to heal!!
Best Wishes