Forum Replies Created
May 19, 2022 at 3:09 pm #400714
I hope you are all doing well.
I posted in this forum about 7 months ago to do with HOCD (with some ROCD tendencies too) and I just wished to provide an “update”, on how I am doing but more on techniques which I have used that have helped me free myself from my thoughts and not feel like a prisoner to my own mind. I hope it may help someone.
Firstly, I think that my past experiences and poor decision-making regarding love impacted my obsessive thoughts hugely (aka past trauma). I questioned all aspects of my current relationship and this quickly gave rise to the endless “obsessive thoughts” (update- my boyfriend and I are still together almost 10 months later). Until recently, I realised that these thoughts were a form of defence mechanism: by convincing myself that there was something wrong and questioning my relationship over and over, my brain was “protecting me” from any future disappointment, which I would “inevitably” go through given that all my past relationships had been sour ones, so why wouldn’t this one be? This was just not true and I guess what I’m saying is: acknowledge your past, but just because past experiences have been bad does not mean that the current one will be too, so try not to “self-sabotage”.
Secondly, what has really helped me is changing my perspective on ROCD. Reading the “AwakenintoLove” blogs has really helped me to do this, and I encourage you to also take a moment to read one or two of them too. The blog writer really encourages you to trust yourself and your decisions, find love within yourself and use the opportunity that when you feel overwhelmed with thoughts, to pause and take a moment to breathe.
Thirdly, practising gratitude has helped me. I didn’t really get how it would help at first and it took time, but it makes you appreciate everything you have, rather than focus on anything you don’t have. As Oprah says ‘Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more; if you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough”. To help you do this, maybe take time each day to listen to a guided meditation (Insight Timer is a wonderful resource for this) even if it’s just for 5 minutes.
Finally, see time as your friend, not your enemy. I truly know the urge of needing to know what the future holds right this second, but get comfortable in the now and appreciate every second; this is another way to find self-love and appreciation.
By no means is my ROCD/HOCD fully behind me. Some days are better than others, of course, but day by day I feel mentally stronger and able to overcome my obsessive thoughts. When you feel like you are not in control of your own mind, it can be terrifying (for me, at least). So, thinking about some of these things can help, and has helped me. (I am not a licensed therapist or trained in any way – just someone who is finding ways to help others).
Wishing you peace and love.November 1, 2021 at 1:05 pm #388063
Hello Anita, thank you for your response.In answer to your questions:
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- You are right – I am not against therapy, but I am not for it either. I’m unsure why in all honesty. Perhaps a therapist will diagnose me with something I have never been aware of and will scare me.
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- I have read your replies to others and found them very useful and it is amazing how you have helped others. I hope you don’t think I have ignored your previous advice. I guess what I was hoping for was a response tailored to my scenario to put my mind at ease i.e whether you think that my case is a matter of obsessing, whether my obsessions are not healthy etc (which was previously mentioned in some replies), and generally what you think about my scenario, whether it is something to be worried about.
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- I came onto the forum and typed everything I felt, which made me feel better. Ultimately I wanted someone independent from my life who could give me some advice about what I am feeling.
November 1, 2021 at 11:27 am #388051
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Mollie.
I hope this message finds you well. Please bear with me as it is quite long!
Disclaimer: I have nothing against the LGBTQ+ community, nor am I homophobic in any shape or form.
Like many of the replies to this forum, I am facing this ‘sudden’ feeling of being lesbian or bisexual, after 19 years of being solely completely emotionally, sexually and romantically into men. I felt this around a month and a half ago, and I cannot seem to shake it out of my head. I must admit that I have a tendency to go through ‘obsessive’ phases that manifest themselves in different ways, for example an obsession with the gym and getting in shape, an obsession to acquire a particular ‘style’, and, before reading this forum, I did not consider I may have OCD (I do love things to be immaculately clean), but now I am starting to think otherwise.
Going back to the sexuality questioning, I started to really panic about these intrusive thoughts and would read forum upon forum and take sexuality tests to assure myself I was straight. When I would see ‘coming out at age 20/25/30 forums’, or self-discovery articles about those who never knew they were lesbian until a later age, I would be mortified and immediately think this is what would happen to me.
To add, I am in a loving, healthy relationship with my boyfriend, who knows what I am currently going through, and has been nothing but supportive and kind. I fear that if I keep talking about these thoughts with him, this might jeapordise our relationship as it might indicate to him that I am into women (which I believe I am not). Nevertheless, I hide nothing from him, so if needs be I will continue to speak about this with him.
I then found this forum and felt able to relate to so much, so thank you everyone for coming on here and expressing your truths. I even showed my boyfriend some of the replies which helped me explain to him what I was going through. I noted that one of the replies had a mantra, which was ‘you are the thinker of your thoughts, but they do not control you’, or something to that effect. Initially, I found this so useful and continue to repeat this to myself on multiple occasions. However, now, (and I think this might be an obsessive thought), that this mantra is becoming meaningless to me and because of this, I think that I have just accepted that I may be into women too (but i am not into women and don’t really feel happy accepting this..)
Now, and this is unhealthy to think about, but whenever I see a woman, whether I find her attractive or not, I imagine myself doing sexual things with her as a test to see whether I am bi/lesbian or not. If I can, I immediately panic and think oh my gosh, I’m definitely bi/lesbian. And then I think, if I can imagine myself on an emotional level with a girl, and if I can, I again become mortified. But can I actually imagine a woman sexually/romantically? Or is my brain trying to trick me?
I understand that one does not need to label their sexuality, but I do not think I identify as anything other than straight. Sure, I have shared kisses as a joke with girls during my teenage years, but I did not even consider myself to be bi or lesbian. Now I reflect on these experiences and panic and think thoughts such as ‘you have been into girls all along and you did not know it’.
As you can figure, I am extremely troubled by these intrusive thoughts. I worry about myself as a lesbian or bisexual, not because of family issues (although my brother is quite traditional), but because it is not who I am deep down. I have always imagined myself married to a man, having children with a man etc. and never with a woman. But now, my thoughts feel like they are controlling me and that I have accepted that I may be gay or bi and I am ‘on board’ with the idea of me being in a lesbian relationship. (It doesn’t help that I am currently studying a topic of surrogacy, a means of parenthood frequently used by lesbian couples).
I hope to overcome these sexuality thoughts and move on from them so that they go away forever, and not just these thoughts but future sudden, intrusive thoughts. I read that someone used to have OCD but was able to move on and no longer suffers from it, which was reassuring.
I know one might suggest medical help from a therapist or something like that. I am not against this, but I would prefer to try and work this out myself with the help of this forum initially.
Many thanks for taking the time to read this.