ps – have you ever tried the app Insight Timer? It is amazing, full of meditations (of all lengths and varieties). It has been my saving grace at times!

Hi Anita,

Again, thank you so much for your kind words! I feel you have been an important part in my journey. You always given me food for thought, and have opened up parts of myself that I didn’t quite realise were there. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I’m sure yesterday was bittersweet for you. Seeing your people in your local place and having a wonderful time, but now the place is shutting down… I really hope you all are able to stay together and find a new stomping ground as they say!

Yes, bless my parents I do believe that they have had poor parenting and therefore naturally they sometimes overcompensate. My mum is worried, not so much about me, but about my brother. People do feel on tenderhooks around him as he is quite emotionally unpredictable, and sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells. It’s difficult to disagree with him. I don’t mind so much the disturbance of having a flatmate but I notice that I am a bit more anxious at his being here, even though he has done nothing wrong.

I found today difficult as it’s the penultimate weekend before my exams are finished, i’m not quite done but the end is in sight. I don’t want to overdo it with the studies but at the same time while resting, I feel as though I am passing the time until the exams come. It’s not so bad I guess. I am seeing/calling friends, spending time outside, making meals.

Just had to tell you. How are you today?

Hello Anita,
It is so nice to hear from you. I was thinking to message you the other day.

I’m doing well thank you. It has been a busy month and lots has been going on. I am almost finished with my exams, 3 more left over the next two weeks and I can’t wait!

My brother’s girlfriend broke up with him and it has taken an emotional toll on the family, as their plans to move in together fell through and he has now moved back in with me – which caused me to feel a bit anxious as we lived together before and he could be a bit difficult. I have been at my parents’ for the past week and today is my first day back at home. So we’ll see how it goes – I notice he has grown in the past few years and I do believe he has softened, so some of the worries of living together will ease.

My Dad is causing my family a bit of worry as he is really pushing himself at work to finish a project, but is not enjoying it. He won’t quit because he wants to see it through. But as a result, he is taking out his stress on my mum which is not helping.

My mum is upset about the breakup, as she really loved the girlfriend and thought they would end up together. She often talks to me about her worries to do with my brother, whether him and his girlfriend will get back together, and my Dad. My mum and I are very close so I listen. I think at times when I’ve been really busy with studying, it has added a bit of pressure but I’ve tried to maintain balance and kindly tell her when I haven’t got capacity.

So I’m doing well. I’m focusing on myself, my studies and my family.

How are you doing? 💚

Hello Anita,

It is so interesting that you have asked me this question. I have been a people-pleaser for the past few years, and finding the balance between being selfish and selfless is actually one that I’m still trying to master!

There is a book called how to love others without losing yourself. I read it a few years ago but I think the title is accurate on how I view your question. Being selfless means not losing yourself when loving others. And that loving you, and loving others, can peacefully co-exist.

I’m in a situation at the moment where i finally feel more at peace. With my studies, with life, with myself. But, my family is now facing a new challenge – so I’m really trying to support them, yet in that support, I am making sure I am still prioritising myself and reminding myself that it is okay and not selfish to look out for myself. It’s also coming up to my birthday so maybe it’s a full circle moment!

Do you find the balance hard to strike? What does selfless mean to you 🤍

PS – thank you for your kind words about me. I appreciate it a lot. 🥰

Anita,

So lovely to hear back from you. You are so selfless, giving me no more than 5 lines on how you are, but writing almost 2 pages in response to my life and my problems! Bless you Anita.

Please tell me more about how you are doing. How have you been able to find peace in those bouts of anxiety? Did you take a break from the online world?

What tattoo did you get! That’s wonderful!

I am so grateful for your investment and care you have placed in my situation. Thank you, Anita.

My feelings towards them are mainly love and gratitude. It’s not completely black/white – I don’t want to be exactly like them (and even don’t want traits of theirs) but I recognise they have done a good job of being loving carers and trying their best, and that’s all I could ever ask for. It’s funny because when I am in a challenging situation (like I am now trying to pass the bar), I ruminate and worry much more than normal. I would be interested to see whether these feelings come up when life quietens down and ease flows. But I really appreciate what you said and all the comments made – so thank you.

Thank you, Anita, for your support and encouragement! And yes – I love nuts too! I sometimes snack on them.

Oh Anita that is lovely you will take time away from your laptop. I hope you have a peaceful break.

Thank you for Checking in – I’m so grateful. I’ll speak to you soon 🩷

Anita,

So lovely to hear from you. Thank you for reaching out. I hope the start of 2026 has been fruitful for you 🩷

I’m doing okay, thank you. Since we have spoken, I have done 2 exams and applied for a job for post-graduation, one different to what I thought I would do. I found peace in that decision and felt a weight/pressure being lifted on my shoulders. For context, the original job would lead me down a path of whether to become a lawyer or not. This new job would be a stepping stone to that decision – instead of a leap – one step at a time, just like you said ♥️

As to the food/exercise, I’ve found your advice on having a routine to be extremely helpful. I’ve been moving a lot more, first thing in the morning so that nothing disrupts it, and then eating more fruit and vegetables. The scales haven’t moved yet but I am trusting the process.

How are you?