So good to read back from you, Mollie 💚

I am sorry to read that your brother and his girlfriend broke up and that it has taken an emotional toll on the family. I hope living with him works out. I see that you’re hopeful that it will.

It’s late morning here and I’m about to start the day: walking the dog, doing some work in the yard, and later joining people for the last day at the taproom downtown as it’s closing (a get together place since 2017 😔).

I would like to write more when I’m back late this evening or tomorrow morning.

🤍 💚 Anita

Dear Mollie:

I’m glad to read that you’re focusing on yourself and on your studies.

Maybe, just maybe what your brother needs is space, distance- to not be focused on by your mother (however caring she is)?

I don’t know, just thinking out loud.

Was at the taproom, to be closed for good in 2 hours. Saw familiar face, heard familiar sounds of people I only wish to see/ hear again somewhere else: Kym and Chris, Kim and Tod and Greg and Adam and so many others. A closing of a 2017-2026 era.

Thank you, Mollie, for being the uniquely caring, intelligent young person that you are.

🙏 🤍 💚 Anita

Hello Mollie 🙂

Bogart is a 🐕 and a he. He’s,9 months old, and very affectionate with other dogs and with humans. He’s particularly attached to me. Actually, he’s my first ever dog/ pet.

And yes, a pet can be.. an emotion regulating helper. It goes both ways. Dogs get anxious too.

I will check the app you recommended when I have the use of the 🖥 (using my 📱, hence all the emojis, they show up as I type and I can’t resist them 😉)

Yes, I am feeling better, thank you. Thing is current lows are so much higher than past lows (those felt devastating, maybe 10 years ago or even earlier touch 🪵)

Three more test days, how exciting, seeing the completion of five 🙌 years of study. Of course, studying all the time is not a good idea. We all need rest to recharge.

I 👍 how you talk sense to yourself when feeling guilty.

I’m glad your brother is better, more self- regulated than he was before. I wonder if it has something to do with him living with you vs him living with his- your parents.

Bogart just settled right beside me 🙂

Currently emotionally regulated 😉, Anita

How R U, Mollie, a month & 2 days since ce you posted last?

* I just realized I didn’t check the app you recommended 😔

Anita

Good morning (here, W. U.S.A), Mollie!

Congrats for finishing your exams 👏

I think it’s healthy, you putting off seeing your ex until after the interview ✔️

I reread a good portion of your posts here since March last year, and one of the things that struck me was how upset your mother was about your brother’s breakup, almost as if it was her breakup.

So, to me, it means that her emotional over- involvement is not restricted to how she relates to you, but also to how she relates to him.

She is a loving, caring mother.. only that she has been too close.

On the outside, her sharing her feelings with you about your brother, about your father, looks like closeness, which is a positive thing.. if you were her peer.

It just so happens that children need emotional space to separate from the parent and become their own person (the “separation-individuation” phase of normal child development).

As loving and caring as your mother has been, I don’t think she gave you or your brother that space.

It was unintentional, I have no doubt. She was- is unaware of this, no malice in her heart, of course.

And in you- it produced a highly attuned, caring, kind and conscientious person, but also someone who is often anxious and taking on responsibility for what you’re not responsible for, carring the weight of other people’s feelings, too much for your own good.

Which is exhausting!

When I catch myself feeling very sad and troubled about what someone else feels, I say to myself (when it’s true): “I didn’t cause it (whatever is troubling the other person). It’s not my fault, not my doing”- and that thought alone makes me feel so much lighter.

What I learned is that a big part of the heaviness I feel about other people’s distress is about over- responsibility: feeling that I am responsible for others’ negative mental state.. when I am not.

Does this resonate?

I’ll respond to other parts of your recent message later, after ( and if) you respond to this post 🙂

🌿 ✨️ Anita

B back 2 U later, Mollie 🥰❤️