Hi Felita,

The location of the thoughts is important, in determining the root cause.  For example, you may predominantly get the thoughts on the right side of your head, in the centre, or from a location outside of yourself. However…

What you are describing sounds a lot like ‘intrusive thoughts’. Intrusive thoughts are usually experienced by people who have extremely high morals.  They are obsessive in nature (typical in OCD) and trigger a strong emotional reaction. The more distressing we find a thought, the more likely we will continue to experience that thought and an escalation of it, because we resist how it makes us feel.  The more we push away a thought, the more power we give to it.

The good news is, the cycle can be broken.

The first step is removing the power the thoughts have over you.

This is often prescribed in CBT – Write this down on a piece of paper, carry it with you and say this 10 times a day:

“I’d prefer not to be experiencing this thought, but I don’t demand it. It is bad, but not awful and I can tolerate it…Because it is only a thought.  Just because I have this thought it doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it, it only means I am a human being, capable of good, bad and neutral thoughts.”

It is not evil and you are not evil. You are simply having an emotional reaction to thoughts that you cannot identify as being as your own, because of your strong morals.

Please let me know how you are…

Emma

Hi Natalia,

This is my first time here and actually, this was the first post I read. I felt compelled to reply to you. I understand you fully and as somebody who has also experienced a trauma, I want to assure you that what you are experiencing right now, will come to be seen as essential for your spiritual growth and you will come to feel gratitude for the unique lessons your life and upbringing have given you.

The very fact that you have such awareness and inner resource to recognise your emotional trauma for what it is, and are taking steps to heal yourself, is testament to the progress that you have made and will continue to make on your healing journey.

Emotions can be terrifying and their reach unlimited in how destructive they can be; but this is only because they are not understood.  Emotion is the most powerful resource we have in re-connecting with our spiritual selves.  I want to tell you that it is 100% possible to transmute any negative emotion into unconditional love. This isn’t by bypassing, this is by experiencing and allowing it to be, so that it can be processed.

The focus is not on me, so I won’t tell you my story. But I want to summarise a few points:

My trauma was such that I was suicidal for over a decade, experiencing chronic anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks. The lot. I went to the depths and back.

The conversations I would hold with myself, went a little bit like:

I am weak

I am ugly

Nobody loves me

I want to die

Now, in complete contrast, after learning how to harness emotion and changing the way I treated myself, in terms of being kind, compassionate and forgiving towards myself, the conversations now go like this:

I am strength

I am beauty

I am grace

I am love

I AM my heart…

I won’t lie, it was a long journey, but it all begins with understanding the relationship we have with ourselves and the language we use with ourselves.  Our thoughts create our reality by way of altering our perception and consequently our interaction with the world and ourselves. By shifting the focus of thoughts in our minds, we can re-calibrate how we respond to our emotions.

Here are some places to start:

Start with observing your thoughts and how you speak to yourself. Are you being kind, or cruel to yourself? If you say “I regret doing that, I’m a fool”, instead say “I did the very best that I was capable of, at the time”.  Instead of, “Why am I so unhappy?”, try “I am healing”.

Realise that emotions can trigger a cycle of thoughts, that continually engage further emotion.  This can keep you locked in a despondency. When you experience the emotion, disengage from your thoughts (or if you are unable to do so just yet, try simply observing without interacting with them) and allow yourself to experience the emotion in your body.  In the way we that we experience laughter or joy, those emotions flow through us so easily, because we enjoy the experience. On the other hand, fear, jealousy, anger, sadness, are all emotions we may not want to experience therefore we repress them. Emotion is energy and our energy bodies can accumulate emotions that haven’t been given the chance to be released. What we resist, persists. Intend to experience your emotions and release them.  Intend to surrender into the love in your heart.

Practice stopping your thoughts daily, hourly, or every minute of the day.  A simple technique, is to focus your hearing 100% outside of your body and try to listen to that which you cannot hear.  This has a magical effect of stopping your internal dialogue.

Practice feeling your heart. Centre your bodily awareness on your heart, while maintaining silence in your mind.  Cultivate the physical feeling of your heart where-ever you are.

Forgiveness. I cannot emphasise enough, how important this is energetically.  In interactions with others and emotionally charged events, there is an exchange of energy.  When we hold onto a situation because we have been unable to let go of it, due to sadness or fear or injustice, we hold onto the energy of that situation and equally, keep our energy held in person who affected us.     By forgiving (not condoning) we release what we have held onto, and call our power back to us.  This will also help you in establishing your energetic boundaries.

The most important thing right now, is learning how to truly love yourself, being compassionate and kind. The things above have helped me considerably and I hope they help you too.

Now, in response to what you said about having no close relationships – I too went through this and it is extremely challenging however throughout the years you will make connections with special people who are on the same path as you. They are rare. When you find them, cherish them. But for now, don’t judge yourself on the basis of not having close relationships. It will happen in time.

I would also recommend trying to find a healer who specialises in Soul Healing.  If you are in London, I can recommend somebody who changed my life and was instrumental on my journey into my awakening in my heart.

Emma

P.S. Read The Whisperings of The Dragon by Lujan Matus