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Hi Ad –
I’m about a little over 6 months removed from the woman I thought I was going to marry. We have only talked once in that time, and she has since moved hundreds of miles away.
Let me start off by saying I’m sorry you’re going through this and understand the pain you’re going through and am with you.
Some time of no contact is the best advice you could have ever gotten. This allows you to see what you did wrong, as well as what she did wrong. You’ll be able to emotionally remove yourself from the situation to see why you shouldn’t be together. This is the perfect time to also work on those issues you mentioned. You can start reading about them, or seeing a therapist and discussing them.
I suggest you stop contacting her as any sort of contact would more than likely push her further away. You need to show you both respect each other’s decisions to not talk.
Now, the only thing you can do is let go. As I mentioned before, not letting go will push her further away. If after time (6+ months or stay no contact until she gets a hold of you if she was the one who ended it) you think you still want to be with her, reach out and see how it goes, but if she is not interested let it go for good. Luckily if this happens you’ll be emotionally detached and have worked out a lot of the issues within yourself, so it won’t be as much of a loss and you’ve already taken a lot of steps to heal.
Stay strong and start treating yourself as if you are you own significant other.
I’ve experienced it Katherine, but not from my parents, but from my previous relationship that ended about 6 months ago. Helping her get through college and a DUI and some other emotional issues. She treated all her friends with loyalty and praise, but gave me very little praise and often downplayed everything I did for her and us over almost 3 years together. Even after she left me to “find herself” she never apologized for her treatment of me or thanked me for anything I did.
I’m not sure if you’re like me, I’m having a real hard to letting go and forgiving.
Maybe this comes from a lack of respect and how they potentially see us as doormats. It could be an issue with boundaries (we put up with it, so they don’t respect us) or that they desire a certain amount of drama in their lives and the easiest victim is a person who loves them unconditionally. Since we feel as the caregiver that if tolerate the treatment, eventually they’ll see their wrongdoings and we’ll get the praise and respect we deserve. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen very often.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 