Yes, he blames his mother for causing break-ups of other relationships, he blames hie co-workers because he can’t get along with them, he accuses me of wanting my ex-husband back (NOT TRUE!!), wanting to have sex with other men (again not true I am in love with this one and was 100% faithful).  He accused me of being unfaithful while he was at work.  He brought up my past often.  On the other hand, he is addicted to porn and has cheated with the mother of his child, alcohol addiction, mama’s boy.  These are some of the red flags I saw.  He is charming and romantic.  After a night of drinking when he gets cruel, after cheating, he apologizes and says he will never happen again.  His sweet vulnerability melts me.  He can be wonderful, generous, thoughtful for months on end.  Then the dark side reappears.   After each apology, I hoped he would change.  I asked him to get into therapy, to stop drinking, to go to couples therapy.  He had an excuse for his drinking saying it wasn’t a problem.  He said he can’t afford therapy and I countered you cannot afford not to.  There is a huge chemistry between us.  He is a good man, good father, hard worker.  But I can’t fix him and so I’ve chosen to stay far away from him.  And so I try to remember the bad to push away the sweet thoughts, the memories and beginning tomorrow with a women’s support group.

Thank you.  I am trying to keep busy, fit, and healthy and remind myself why i cannot return to this man.  Its only been 10 days and i miss his hand holding mine and snuggling up against his warm body at night.  I am going to attend group meetings for women of domestic violence.  He isn’t a monster but has issues with alcohol being one of them.  He is insecure and controlling.  Verbally abusive.