I suffer from chronic major depression and I agree with everyone that meds are not always the answer. However, I can say that after some therapy and some trial and error with medications, I am now a much more balanced person. I am not missing work like I used to and there are much fewer days I cannot get out of bed.
I don’t want to imply that medications are the answer, just don’t rule them out as an option.
BTW, I took Accutane back in the 90’s for two 6 month courses which is more than most require and luckily I did not experience the negative side effects. Only the positive experience of great looking skin after the few years of anxiety related to terrible acne that came on suddenly in my early 20’s. I am sorry you did not get that benefit.
Also, I am a registered nurse, I work in the intensive care unit and I know more than I should about different drugs and medications. I was reluctant to try anti depressants when I heard that some can make you feel worse but it became a situation where something HAD to change in my life, so I took that chance.
Just don’t rule it out, and please see a psychiatrist. Regular primary care doctors can and will try to help you but psychiatrist know the ins and outs of all of the meds they prescribe. It is all they do.
I wish you luck, but even more, joy and happiness

I understand your feelings and I will try to share my experience but keep it short.
I dated an entrepreneur/workaholic. The most brilliant man I have ever met and very successful. He was a workaholic to the extreme. He would invite me over and keep going to his home office to check on business stuff on his computer. He was late for everything we planned because of his business. The difference here is that this man had a very successful business and made a lot of money. So, my point is that if this workaholic trait is a persons innate personality, success or failure will probably not change it.
I loved this man, I respected and admired him. He took me to lovely restaurants and bought me beautiful gifts. Finally, I could not take the lack of time he could give to cultivate our relationship.
If you feel that you can deal with this type of personality once you get through this crisis then my advice is just to give him some time. My ex would tell me “you don’t get me, I am not a banker with 9-5 hours and I never will be”, he would sometimes half break up with me for not understanding but he always came back. I finally ended it, not because I did not care for him but because the relationship was not meeting my needs. Give him time….take a step back, I think he will sort things out and come around…..if you are still waiting and available. But live your life in the meantime.

I agree with everyone above. It is time to get professional help. I felt just like you do, I was calling in sick to work and asking my professors for an extension on homework deadlines. I finally realized I had to do more when it started affecting my relationships. My psychiatrist is a very nice woman who does not make me feel bad about myself or manipulate me. I am not sure why you think you will be deceived by a professional but that has not been my experience at all. I did decide that the one on one meetings with the therapist were not helpful FOR ME but my psychiatrist kept working with me and I am feeling much better these days.
Also, friends want you to confide in them. That’s what friends do.
You’ve got to do something and since you already feel like life is not worth living, what is the harm in trying something different? Fake it until you make it!!

wellwisher, you sound more than just situationally depressed. I have been there, did all the self care things and finally went to see a psychiatrist when it became an issue in my relationship with my bf almost causing the end of it. I now take an anti depressant and I am a lot better. I am not saying medications are for everyone, and sometimes it takes trial and error to find the right one or the right dose. But for me, I was at a point where I had to do SOMETHING more. Seeing a shrink is not a failure and it doesn’t mean they will put you on medication but it might help you to get some guidance.

I agree with the thoughts of the previous posters however, the part of this thread that screamed at me was where you wrote:
“usually I don’t care what other people think because I feel equal to or above them”
Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned in this whole scenario about feeling “above others”. Feeling above leaves you a longer distance to fall doesn’t it?
You put this leaders wife above you so her opinion knocked you down when in reality her opinion is just her opinion and just because she is the leader of the communities wife does not put her in a position above you. The leader himself is not above you.
I just think you might delve in to what it really means to feel above another person….I don’t believe in that concept but again, that is just MY opinion. Food for thought.