Hello again Anita,

Thank you for your reply.

I don’t mean to attack you whatsoever, but I don’t think you’re in the position to define whatever ‘love’ is. You haven’t lived through my relationship and my feelings, you’re just hearing about it. I appreciate the fact that you take the time to reply to my messages, but I think you’re being simple minded if you believe love exists only when there’s no aggression taking place. We’re human beings. It’s in our nature to be aggressive towards stuff. If what you’re saying would be correct then it’d mean my parents don’t love each other even though they’ve been married for the past 26 years just because they fight with one another now and then? Ofcourse, I did love my ex even when the fights occured and even when we treated eachother as shit at times. You can’t tell me I didn’t. No one can and no one is allowed to with all the respect. It’s quite rude to decide about somebody else’s feelings.

Maybe what I’m feeling is not for everyone to understand and should be discovered by myself apparently. Thank you anyways for wishing me well and trying to talk about it with me! I wish you all the best aswell.

Kind regards,

Nao

Dear Anita,

First of all; thank you for taking the time to read my post and to even reply to it!

To answer your questions; During our first relationship we barely fought. During those three months we fought like 2 times total. I can’t correctly remember what those two were about, though. All I know is that we solved them rather quickly as we did not know each other very well during that time and still went through the newly couple phase.

However, during the second relationship we spent 10 months together, which is enough time to be able to argue and so on. The fights that occured then were mostly about stupid stuff, like whenever I would like a picture of a guy friend on social media he’d get annoyed with me, and because I did not approve that kind of attitude, because I thought it was childish I’d get upset back. Honestly, I still had some trust issues because of the first incident, which led to me getting upset over even the slightest uncomfortable thing he’d do to me. For instance, when he’d decide on inviting that girl who was interested in him to his place. Usually, we were both at fault and we’d drag on the fights wayyy too long. It’s totally not worth it to ignore one another for a week when all was done is liking a picture, yet we weren’t able to solve these things quickly. We’d choose misery over happiness and I actually don’t understand why. Maybe because the both of us thought no one would ever leave so we wouldn’t have to be afraid of anything, which caused us to fight a lot of times without worry? Honestly, the fights weren’t worth it, this I realized a bit before he broke up with me, which is why I was the one to approach him to change ourselves for the better, but he declined. I think, at some point, they made him miserably unhappy (that’s how they made me feel aswell, but to me it was never enough to lose him. Sometimes I’d cry for days, because the vibe between us was horrible and I missed him, but he’d ignore my plead for help and vica versa.) to the point where he saw me/us as something toxic.

The only reason I found out about the girl in his house is because his brother, also a dear friend kd mine, messaged me about it. When I asked him why he’d tell me this, he told me that he thought it was pretty odd since his brother (my ex) never did this throughout our entire relationship until the last month. This is what I meant with when I said that I had noticed a change in his behaviour at the end. He even asked him wether I knew about this and his reply was “no, she doesn’t know.” which caused my friend to become even more suspicious. When I was informed about it, I inmediately asked my ex about it and he told me it was simply “nothing” and should brush it off. He told me she was in his house, because they were going to do groceries together and she had to wait in his room so he could get ready. Ofcourse, this isn’t weird or wrong, but the fact that he’d get upset at me when I’d not tell him that I’d go to the grocery store with my guy neighbour, but when I asked about it i had to “brush” it off got me worked up. (Sidenote: I was ordered to always tell him where I was and with who, preferably always a female friend, and if I didn’t he’d get really mad.)

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Nao.