Forum Replies Created
July 14, 2020 at 9:39 am #361672
Thank you for your input. My partner literally does nothing wrong to me so I know that I am the problem. I know I need to work on my anxiety and I hope I can do that while still being with him. Thank you for your well wishes.July 10, 2020 at 2:05 pm #361331
This is something I have thought about. I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it, yet, or ever. I don’t want to hurt him or cause unesseasry pain or damage. I guess I’m also afraid of what could happen. Like what if I am truly more peaceful single and won’t ever be able to be in a relashionship? Whatever happens, I hope it all works out on the end.July 10, 2020 at 1:52 pm #361324
No, because we both don’t believe that would actually solve the core problem. Even if we were to break up, I think there would still be the underlying problem which would just infiltrate into any future relashinships that I would have, if any.July 10, 2020 at 1:26 pm #361315
He agrees with me that although my brain tells me to break up with him, it’s probably not a real, long term solution. He also thinks that if he really was the problem in my life, that we would not be together as long as we have been. Which is almost 5 years at this point.July 10, 2020 at 1:07 pm #361313
Yes, I took them in the past and am currently starting a new medication but it’s too early to see how it is working yet. When I was on medication, it did help, but I still had the same beliefs in the background. I know I need to see a psychologist but even still, my thoughts stop me and tell me that it won’t work because I need to break up with my boyfriend.July 10, 2020 at 12:40 pm #361310
I haven’t broken up with him because I can’t. I feel like it is physically impossible because I know deep down that that is not the solution. I have even talked about this extensively with my partner. I just want relief from these thoughts.July 10, 2020 at 11:45 am #361298
Yes, that does feel partially true. I also just feel like if I break up with this person, I would finally be free of the constant thoughts I have about breaking up with them, which would give me some mental peace.
Now, I don’t know if this would actually be true unless I were to actually break up with them, but that is what I feel.December 10, 2019 at 11:38 am #326915
Fortunately, my Mom no longer yells at me. In fact, nobody in my life yells at me. Not my friends, boyfriend, parent, sibling, etc.November 20, 2019 at 11:43 am #323771
Thank you for getting back with such a detailed reply. Upon further reflection, I can definitely see how my mothers yelling would have kept me on edge and scared as a child. However, I would need to ask her about the other correlations….ex: her yelling at me when throwing up, pooping, etc.
I like the progress that I am making through this reflection, but I still am at a loss for how I can begin to improve myself for the better.November 6, 2019 at 4:36 pm #321845
I know when I was young, my Mom had a family friend watch us. I do not remember any discomfort around her. In fact, I used to like her more then my mom at the time because she yelled a lot less then my Mom.
On the nights that I remember discomfort, when I was older, it was typically a teenager we knew from the neighborhood. But to me, there were still strangers. I remember I would “go to bed” but would stay up thinking of bad things happening to my parents. I used to worry that they would both die in a car crash and not come home. It felt lonely and scary.
I don’t actually know if I used to cry when they left. I am inclined to say that I probably hid my anxiety, but that is something I would have to verify with my parents now.October 31, 2019 at 10:05 pm #320787
I can see where you are coming from but clearly I am remembering all of the fearful times( pooping, throwing up, etc). Although I struggled internally, my home life was relatively stable on the outside. I would like not to assume that my home life was unpredictable or scary because of my parents.
In terms of the mono, the dizziness actually all started, from my memory, when I was getting a bad grade in 6th grade. I remember thinking I would never go to college or be able to take care of myself because of the bad grade. I also thought my dad would be really upset with me at the time. He wasn’t but I assumed he would be. I internalized the stress for so long that it made me sick until I couldn’t be quiet anymore. I told my parents how I was feeling and they took me to the doctor. After a blood test the doctor said I had mono. It was truly a traumatic experience. I felt like I was on a boat for almost a whole year and it was awful. It got better the next year but the sense of motion never really went away.
On another note, I had a realization earlier. When my parents used to go out to eat when I was young, I always felt scared when they would leave. Maybe one of the reasons why I am now so independent is because I don’t want to feel an anxious attachment to someone or something.October 31, 2019 at 1:40 pm #320741
Thank you for putting in the time to type your response, although, I feel mixed about it.
As a child, my mother would raise her voice frequently because me and my sibling would upset her(what child does not upset their mom?) It may have been scary and unpredictable at those times but, other then that, I did not live in a “scary, unpredictable home”. I was very well taken care of and did not have to do much work of my own. I was fed, loved, and had a place to sleep.
My relationship now with my parents is also very good. I can communicate honestly with them, and I feel supported by them. I guess what I am trying to get at is I don’t know how to overcome the issues I am struggling with. If the other things I talked about didn’t work for whatever reason, then what am I left to do?October 30, 2019 at 5:38 pm #320647
Although I am not really willing to go back on medication, I do think it would be important for me to get back on my routine as I have dropped it for several months. However, as we have pointed out that I have had long-standing fear/anxiety, what else can be done to un-do the damage that has been done?
In terms of my relationships, I genuinely feel that they are all going very well. I have a wonderful group of supportive friends, who are all very close to me. No particular relationship stands out in my mind as draining or negative.October 30, 2019 at 4:58 pm #320639
Thank you for getting back to me. I appreciate it.
I used to be on different SSRI’s to lessen my symptoms of PPPD. They did help a little bit but I still had the same thoughts that I have now, which is why I have not made any huge changes in the past four years.
I also did spend several months trying to maintain a regular schedule, regular exercise, better eating, and supplements like SAMe(a natural SSRI), which helped me as well. But I have still been (relatively) stuck in the same place in my life.
Truly, I would prefer to not take medication and find other ways to overcome what I am struggling with.October 29, 2019 at 6:28 pm #320457
Reflecting on my childhood, I seem to remember the times in which I experienced anxiety and not a lot else. I used to be afraid of going to restaurants because I was afraid that I would throw-up and embarrass myself. Sometimes this worry actually came true. One of my first memories was being afraid to go poop(as a toddler) and so I held it in for days until my parents took me to the doctor. I was afraid that pooping would be painful so I held it in. I’ve done some self-reflection before and realized that I do not like being physically uncomfortable and out of control.