VJ, I apologize for not writing back for a while.

I especially like this section:

“(working “with it” will mean not resisting your situation, even though it is a painful situation. It means to align yourself to whatever is happening)
This will miraculously transform your whole life”

This will miraculously transform your whole life…wow. I think I need to really dig deeper in how to work on removing the resistance in my life…?

I’m having a bit of a difficult time understanding the plastic bottle and space example, and how occupying that space will make me “..peaceful, cordial, friendly, harmonious and loving irrespective of the (external) circumstances.” I guess I need to dig deeper into that topic to truly understand.

I see what you mean by the remote in my hand. However, I would like on that remote the “time for friends” button to push when I choose to be with friends…understanding that the act of having friends does not define me or contributes solely to my fulfillment of happiness. Having the option on the remote would be nice.

Thank you for sharing. I will keep reading what you have shared as I continue to work through this time in my life.

No reason to be sorry, I actually welcome them! How else am I going to learn?!

My parents did go through bankruptcy, but they made out very well from the experience…we never lost our home, our car, our food. If anything, they proved to me that even in the most dire of circumstances…we all will survive.

I believe the anxiety with money came when the responsibility of it transferred to me. Then it was further irritated by my ex-wife uncontrolled spending habits. Now, it’s just become a matter of survival through extremely high alimony and child support payments for the next decade or so.

I talk to my therapist all the time about money. His approach with me is that I need to release my worry about the money situation, when, at this moment, everything is in balance…and, until this point, I have proved to be successful in pulling out of college debt, establishing positive net worth and maintaining it through the divorce. He says that I am taking a the prudent steps…and if a challenge like a loss of job or a significant bill were to manifest, then we deal with the issue as best as we can when that time comes. I cannot change what I cannot control. I wish my thoughts would follow suit with what I am writing!

I very much like the link that you sent to me. I’ve searched for some time on this topic. I agree with the beginning section: I think I want a healthy relationship with money, so that it no longer defines who I am or adds unnecessary stress on other areas of my life, especially relationships. However, I don’t necessarily think prosperity is the answer. I don’t want to be rich. I just don’t want it to hold me back from living my life. However, I do like how he phrases it: “create a positive and powerful vision of prosperity, unique to your values, lifestyle, and your dreams of a secure future.” So, for me the focus would not be on the prosperity, rather on how much I value security.

Nina –

Well, technically, I did not get back to you on your last post…so I missed that one 🙂

Frankly, I would feel terrible if I didn’t reply to everyone. You are all taking time out of your schedule to help! It’s the least I can do!

I would love to see your spreadsheet if you don’t mind sharing. I think the safest way would be for me to create a new gmail account that is not my main email…let me know if you think that would work…

Here is the response to your questions:
I define a friend as someone you can call and hang out with…laugh with…spend time with them and forget the day to day grind.
Having a friend gives me happiness, and gets rid of the silence in my apartment…I don’t believe that we were made to live alone like so many people in this society do…kid’s just can’t wait to get out of their parents house to be independent.
I believe that it’s always been hard for me to make friends whether young or old.
Well, I do want to find a wife again…to be in love again would be amazing…but to do it the right way this time…someone peaceful and kind…and then have the kind of friends that I described in my first answer.
I guess I am not really picky on the qualities…but if I had to pick one, I would say someone that enjoys experiences more than “tangible things.”
I would say that the need they would serve is to fill the social void that I currently have…and that I am strong enough to give more to them than I take.

Thanks Nina!

VJ – The fact that this post is heading to page 4 already is incredible! You have no idea how much this is inspiring me! I have read and watch many presentations on mindfulness. It is truly something I need to become better at. Eckhart Tolle has been someone I have been following recently. Sometimes, hard to understand…but definitely useful when you speak to others about their impression of him.

I especially like when he refers to your life versus your life circumstances. We shouldn’t be defined by our life circumstances, for they are separate from the person we really are. I certainly am going to take much time reading and re-reading everyone’s thoughts. What an inspiration!

I do have to say that I had one thought run through my head while reading your response…I am constantly fighting the voice that tells me the negative impact that the lack of friends can have on your mental, emotional, and physical health. So, when I think of the present…many times I think, “I am currently alone…this is not good for my health.” That thought is true about the present in many situations…it’s not the past, and it’s not the future. I’m curious if you have any thoughts on this…

Thank you so much! 🙂

Nina – Thank you so much for your contribution. I wish you continued success in feeling better about yourself!

I’m curious about the excel document. What did this contain? Were they different strategies? Were they your negative feelings? Would you mind explaining that portion of your post? It would be really helpful.

Your right about doom for the future. I have a saying that I wish I would abide by: When you worry, it’s already happened!

I really like your approach about taking responsibility rather than blame. That was a spot on response! I’ve learned so much already from you and everyone that has contributed.

Take care!

Sadgirl (I hope one day that changes to happy girl!) –

Thank you for your thoughts. You bring up a unique point. Where is my somewhere. I specifically went through school and I made it a point to not get involved with any one group or clique. I thought that becoming a part of a clique meant that you would have to give up who you are to become accepted by that group. It just was never something I considered. So, now is this backfiring on me? Can I not find my identity because I did not commit myself to this “somewhere”?

I wish I knew who you were…I feel so bad for your circumstances. If I knew you…I would most certainly be a friend. Just one thought…you made it a point to reach out to me and help me. I don’t care how much of a failure you are. The mere fact that you extend yourself to help others more than most people in this world would do. To me, that is success!

As far as my core issue…I am incredibly SCARED out of my mind. I have these issues so I worry that I will lose my kids, lose my job, be alone forever, never find my true love, and never understand my career or craft. That is my core issue. Now I am torn on what to work on in the next coming months…removing the fraudulent layers of my life? Reading and implementing 365?

Much thanks for your input!

Anita – (and you can fill in my name as Russ)

What you have presented to me is fresh and never been brought to my attention before. You must find much joy in participating in this forum! I have read your responses several times…and still need to contemplate what you have presented. I find deeper understanding each time I read what you have said. I am certainly going to take what you’ve said to heart and try to implement these ideas as you suggest. As this technique will be quite new…I will definitely keep in touch to see how things in my life have changed…and maybe ask for more guidance as I live through these new experiences.

Wishing you much joy and happiness during 2017!

Nina – Thank you so much for your insights. I have to admit, when I hear others talk about my situation as grave, I feel like maybe it’s too late, and there is not much I can do for the damage already created in my life. I hope not…I hope that something will finally click, and my situation will improve. Of course, if was too late, you would not have continued to write on improvements I could make in my life, so I am grateful for your input.

I would love to volunteer, and have had the desire to consistently do so. Maybe, now that I am going to begin peeling off my fraudulent layers and use less time hating myself…I can reach for achieving such a goal!

I thought that taking the blame for things that happened in my life was being admirable. But, the way you put it, that is the easy route to take. Certainly a different way of looking at things!

I thank you so much for your thoughts! Enjoy the new year!