VJ, I apologize for not writing back for a while.

I especially like this section:

“(working “with it” will mean not resisting your situation, even though it is a painful situation. It means to align yourself to whatever is happening)
This will miraculously transform your whole life”

This will miraculously transform your whole life…wow. I think I need to really dig deeper in how to work on removing the resistance in my life…?

I’m having a bit of a difficult time understanding the plastic bottle and space example, and how occupying that space will make me “..peaceful, cordial, friendly, harmonious and loving irrespective of the (external) circumstances.” I guess I need to dig deeper into that topic to truly understand.

I see what you mean by the remote in my hand. However, I would like on that remote the “time for friends” button to push when I choose to be with friends…understanding that the act of having friends does not define me or contributes solely to my fulfillment of happiness. Having the option on the remote would be nice.

Thank you for sharing. I will keep reading what you have shared as I continue to work through this time in my life.

Nina –

I cannot tell you how much I have been thinking about this statement that you shared:

“I must say your description of what you in a friend is rather beautiful actual. It’s so simple and can be easily found at the right places with a little bit of effort. You essentially want quality companionship, not emotional intimacy per say. That is something you appear to crave with a romantic partner, a future spouse. In simple terms, you want good, solid, down to earth people who are kind. They are out there actually no matter how materialistic and superficial the world seems at times. The funny thing is, a lot of people actually seek this very bonding you described.”

So, my question. If this is so simple and can be easily found…why can’t I find it…and if I do, why do I constantly fail at keeping those relationships. You painted a picture of ease in achieving this goal. But, to me, achieving this is harder than running a marathon or climbing a mountain. It is so hard for me…so how do I make it easy, as it appears that most people truly find ease in making such relationships?

I’m crying right now thinking about how I may never achieve this…and if I don’t achieve this, I think it lays a huge obstacle for finding the soulmate I so desperately seek. Who wants to date or get close with a person who lacks the capabilities of making and maintaining these relationships.

shine123 – I really like your perspective on the group idea. In fact, I plan on joining a group to go skiing this weekend…and I would have gone with the intention of making friends and being disappointed if I did not make any. So, I will approach the group in a completely different manner now. Thank you!

Erin –

Thank you for your input. I do have to get out more to find those opportunities. I have neglected that part of my life. I know some people where volunteering at such places put them into a further state of unhappiness because they are now exposed even more to the circumstances that people have to face. But, I know that I will not know if this works for me unless I go out and give it a try.

Nina –

To be completely transparent: no, I do not find peace in my own company. I can sit in a room by myself and not go crazy…but, my thoughts are steered in a negative direction so much more when I do not have people surrounding me to uplift me. I know I should be able to lift myself up and that should come from within and not from without.

And, yes, I firmly believe there is a deficiency in me…firmly. And I hate the pain that I experience knowing that I have that deficiency. In my mind, I just want to be with people, and assume that should be something easy to do. But, as you and many others have indicated, I have to work on my own self in order to be strong enough for a relationship. It seems so hard…and to try and improve and implement the wonderful ideas everyone has presented…and to do that when alone…that is a real challenge.

Nina, everything you have told me has been so helpful…I don’t want you to think that my responses are rejections to what wonderful love and guidance you have extended to me. I appreciate it more than you know…way, way more than you know!

I am heading to skiing this evening all by myself…I am terrified!!!! But, I know it’s necessary to develop peace in my own company. Please say a prayer for me as I navigate a difficult weekend…judging from my schedule, I’m going to be quite disconnected from people…but I’m hoping that I use the time to learn to love myself, so when the time comes that I am not alone…relationships will naturally development.

I carry so much love and appreciation in my heart for all you and others have contributed. Enjoy your weekend…and I pray that you find peace in helping others, as you have with me.