Thank you all for your replies, I’ll be doing as much as has been suggested to see what fits with me.

It has been a very big change and now I’m having to think about what my needs and wants are seems alien as I’ve always focused on other.

I am an introvert so I need to slowly push myself into my social activities, but first I’ll concentrate on my sons.

Thank you

Stuart

Thank you for those kind words Anita.

I have been troubled thinking that I hadnt done enough, but its clear I need to work on asserting myself more.

As I said earlier I’m living alone now and the change has lefted me fearing I’ll be like this forever.

Any hints and tips anyone might have on how I can learn to be happy alone I would appreciate.

I will continue my efforts in counselling.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Stuart

The only time I can remember that she comforted me was at the beginning when I had to go for surgery to remove another tumour.

Apart from that she was focussed on the kids.

I tried to stay positive as she had a thing about getting rid of negative people in her life, guess I became one of them.

Hi Anita,

I did at first, half way through our relationship she felt into depression. Everytime I went to comfort her she would tell me to leave her alone, some times she would growl “I’ve just got to sleep” as I walked in. So I learnt to leave her be, but then she would get angry about that so I tried again with the same results. Alot of the time when she was down I tried to keep the kids quiet or take them out so she could sleep. Eventually I convince her to get help but unfortunately I had learnt when she was down to give her room, sometimes I would bring flowers but I would listen and offer help.

She did voice her needs alot directly which I did my best to sort out, I sometimes did but not directly and sometimes not in the best ways (exploding on her after bottling up).

I wanted to get close to her intimately but I couldn’t tell her.

I couldn’t confront her with the issues I was having as I but myself last and her with her childrens needs first, I thought that was the way to be a good supportive husband.

Regards

Stuart

Thank you all for your kind words.

I’m trying to focus on me, but this is the first time in my life that I’m living alone, which I’m finding very hard.

I have children of my own that help breakup my weekends, but at the moment I don’t want to go out.

The counselling is good, I’m making progress and it really does help hearing of other peoples stories on how they got thru similar experiences.

Thank you for the replies.

Stuart

Hi Anita and Mark.

I tried to move on too quickly, and when on dating sites, I quickly stopped that as I realised it wasn’t right.

I promised to pay for everything but as I was talking to her I got angry after she started calling me delusional. I was asking for forgiveness.

Last I had trouble giving her photos back to her as I felt into depression.

I have started counselling but every day I think of her and how I could of acted differently. I’m 38 and this is my second relationship and my first heart break, I’m finding it difficult moving on.

I just keep making mistakes which I blame myself for.

I’m new to this feeling and I’m lost, she was my life and carrying on without her is hard

Regards

Stuart