Forum Replies Created
July 10, 2020 at 12:14 pm #361305
P.S. I feel cared (or the like) and not being given up for your latest reply while I didn’t respond yetJuly 10, 2020 at 12:04 pm #361302
Many thanks for taking your time to review!
I’ll get back to your latest reply when I’m far less tired.
Wish you a nice weekend aheadJuly 10, 2020 at 12:00 pm #361299
Hope you didn’t mind me replying a bit late, in case you wondered, my current job has used up most of my energy… And that’s why I admire your efforts here.
He responded by judging you, saying that you “wanted to be on people’s mind always but it’s not how it works”, that you are not healthy for wanting too much contact with him. is correct (plus that it’s obvious to me that he WAS fine with frequent contacts before, but it’s all in the past 🙂
you meant to ask if you are unhealthy (wanting too much contact with him). isn’t really correct, I don’t consider myself unhealthy and I don’t need to believe his judgement. However, I wondered his intention of turning me down (am I clear here??).July 7, 2020 at 7:14 pm #360988
Not sure if the 4 questions should be or are already answered, I’m going to try to clarify them (hopefully) better:
(1) “I don’t need on and off contacts” was the most important thing of those I spoke up.
(2) He said it looked like that I wanted to be on people’s mind always but it’s not how it works (well, now I kind of regret retrieving these back from my memory…).
(3) He also said that it’s not healthy if I expect him to talk everyday and reply immediately (, which I didn’t)
(4) I told him that if it’d take a few days to interact, then it meant the other didn’t care (it took him around a week to give feedback on something I shared, if I were a busy/careless” person like him, I’d have left the stuff which I had shared behind), he responded that he didn’t think so but I decided.
And about my last question, I wanted to know the possibilities of him refused (to a degree) to interact often, whether it’s because he simply didn’t want to or he was setting an emotional boundary to not be overly “spoiling” my “need” to interact oftenJuly 6, 2020 at 11:14 am #360786
Good to see your reply.
At first I thought that I didn’t feel angry for a few times daily, but now I remember those moments and agree with you.
Yes, I’m sensitive to people’s emotions or feelings, when they’re negative I get uncomfortable or nervous, maybe that comes from witnessing my parents fighting in my childhood. So I tend to avoid or escape such scenarios.
I like “there is nothing wrong with anger being expressed in a controlled way”. As for your question (“even when annoyed, I do not and will not disrespect you. Isn’t that a good thing?”), it’s good that you and I and that man respected each other when the vibes got bad, but it often left me a mark, of course, by reading your latest response, I think we’re cool and there’s no need for me to worry.
Your English is like a native speaker. Would you be surprised or the like if I say the following? Compared to the man, I always thought I’d revealed A LOT with “outsiders” (no offense), which got me thinking how he felt during the time, especially that I had to balance the need to “protect” myself and my desire to interact with him.
Can you point out another example when I was being (purposefully) vague besides the “whom” so I may figure out why/if I did that on purpose.
Thanks for saying that you wanted to continue to communicate with me, it’s been a meaningful journey with you so farJuly 4, 2020 at 9:28 am #360518
I don’t know if I need to apologise, and maybe my explanation’d only sound like an excuse, however, my intention of not making it clear about “whom” was out of shame and I didn’t want to limit the example to that man only, though I haven’t experienced the problem much besides him.
And if I have to be really clear, it’d be like what I just said above (“shame”), which seems to me that I must say everything that’s on my mind.
Feel free to drop the thread because I feel we’re developing it into an argument, and I don’t like fights.
Thank youJuly 3, 2020 at 9:32 am #360367
I interpreted your tone as unpleasant/annoyed/impatient this time, which makes me hesitate to say more, and this is probably my pattern when communicating with others. Please note that I’m not blaming you and I’ve been grateful for your efforts.
So the other was the man basically, I chose not to clarify because I didn’t want you to think that I still thought about him to be honest.
As we’re talking about my way of communications here, it’s true that I kept much to myself when interacting with him, but the outcome wasn’t good when I opened up later, it’s like he didn’t want to deal with those things from meJuly 2, 2020 at 9:17 pm #360325
<span style=”text-align: right;”>I was thinking that when I expected the other to be in touch constantly (for my sense of security probably) and being”judged” it’s unhealthy, did he refuse out of an emotional boundary or simply unwilling to do so</span>July 1, 2020 at 6:25 am #360161
Thanks for the reminder, I’ll see what I can do.
I saw this article (https://tinybuddha.com/blog/setting-emotional-boundaries-stop-taking-on-other-peoples-feelings/?fbclid=IwAR2QgQZ6pBocSO72c8BzUcBsaFDRBqYAY8xBcYYAQpcZdOtegHsbasqmsHo) today and wondered how to tell the difference between an emotional boundary and simply not wanting to do something.June 29, 2020 at 9:47 am #359943
Thank you, I hope for a better one.
Until then (or I’ll be here if there’s anything I can be assistance of)June 28, 2020 at 9:57 am #359843
My apologies for confusion. With this friend, the contacts are daily, though we stopped once because of a small misunderstanding, but we cleared that (I made a similar but stronger point that the other wouldn’t hear from me again if it’s not my turn to speak, hm, now it sounds like a threat, thankfully, the friend understood what I meant).
I was specifically referring to that man when I wrote that I couldn’t practice the respectful behaviour, probably because 1) the pattern was different from the beginning, 2) he’s not merely a friend, so when there was no interaction for longer than what it used to be, I got worried and insecure. Of course, it’s all ended at the momentJune 27, 2020 at 11:30 am #359763
Here’s my new thoughts 🙂
I just read an article saying what’s comfortable for adult friendship, part of it was remembering the other but only contacts when necessary or once in a while to give space, the fundamental idea seems to be respecting every one’s life.
When I wrote that in my own words, I can understand the concept, however, I can’t practice that with most people. I’ve a friend whom has been in touch daily for over 6 months now. Besides the friend, I think it’s okay for me to leave the conversation for a couple of days, but when the time is beyond that, I get the sign/cueJune 26, 2020 at 12:12 pm #359644
I hope to bring good news here next time, for now I’ll relax and try to free myself.
Thank you for replying always <3
Stay healthy and see you!June 25, 2020 at 10:49 am #359526
Thank you, I’d do that as well if one repeatedly ignores me; however, if one simply doesn’t reply or keep the conversation going, even for once, I’d see it as a sign that he or she doesn’t want to talk, then I’d leave him or her alone even if I have other things to tell. I know some people don’t take it personally, and they’d just say or share, but I don’t want to risk being rejected “again”June 24, 2020 at 11:35 am #359418
I admire how you present yourself here to help others daily, that’s unselfish.
About my last question, for example, I say something to the other person, but my principle of waiting for the other to respond before going further, when there’s no cue (or “green light”) for me to go on, even if there’s more I’d like to share, I can only keep silence. The whole idea kind of limits myself, right?