Hi Zenhen,
I see that this post is over 3 years old, but I am in the EXACT same situation. It’s actually unbelievable how you described our exact dynamic and my feelings. I would love to know how your situation turned out and what you learned. That would really help me so much at this very moment. I wish you could even email me personally but i’m not sure if that is even possible. Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon! Thank you.