Hi Mark 🙂

Yes, that must be it. I’ll write my texts here on website from now on.

Thank you for your advice. I’m already writing a journal but when I looked over my writings I did notice that it’s mostly negative thoughts I write down, in an effort to get rid of them this way. But I think making a list of all the nice and happy things that happened to me that day would be very helpful. I’ll do it later tonight. I think if I did it regularly it would also encourage me do to more positive things every day.

I often plan to make the time for some self care but unfortunately it doesn’t happen a lot of the time. Doing things like taking a long bath or sitting down in a park often feel like a waste of time for me and even during those activities I can end up worrying about the things I should be doing instead.

I always feel kind of foolish for needing so much time alone. It makes me worry that others will think I’m annoyed by them or that I don’t enjoy spending time with them, which isn’t true at all. I feel like I should be able to get through my life without this, but maybe I’m being too hard on myself.

I think your advice is very good though, I hope I will be able to follow your tips about self care

Hello again.

I didn’t get the opportunity to write again until now because I spent a lot of time outside. Which was good because it took my mind off those things and I could reflect a little on my feelings and actions. 

I think it just really bothered me that the person I was arguing with could believe such terrible things. I think my intentions weren’t to convince him otherwise, but rather to express how wrong I thought these things were. I should have expected that nothing good would come of it.

I do not know why I always focus on negativity this much when there are so many more positive things. 

I think that it has something to do with my situation and mood in general. When I’m happy and comfortable things like this bother me much less and I’m able to not concern myself with them more easily. But right now I’m out of my comfort zone and feeling a little anxious because of that. I think being homesick adds to that as well.

I’m a little mad at myself for feeling this way actually. Members of my family, who like me very much and who like me in return, are with me and I’m in a really beautiful place. But two weeks away from home seem to be too much for me, which seems ridiculous, I know. I think it’s because I’m used to always having the opportunity to spend time by myself. Constantly interacting with others and barely having a place to retreat or the time to do things that are relaxing to me (like drawing or other creative things) is exhausting me. And that makes me feel very ungrateful and unreasonable. There is still a week left that I will spend here.

And this is another example of me mainly focussing on negative things around me. I should be enjoying the company of my family and the lovely nature around me, but somehow I can’t. 

On the plus side, I tried to seek out more positive things when I looked at the Internet today and people have been very kind and helpful. A lot of people seem to have the same problem of being put in a bad mood by social media.

I’d like to write a conclusion to my text but I’m pretty worn out right now.

Anita, I hope you enjoy your weekend. 🙂

Dear anita,

Thank you for responding. Yes, not exposing myself to those things would be best.

I think my issue is that I often feel the need to involve myself in certain things. For example, the argument I mentioned began because this person was saying very disrespectful and unacceptable things about a group of people. I felt like I needed to express how wrong I thought these things were. The more rude the answers got the more I felt the need to respond and defend my opinion.

I wish it was easier for me to remove myself from situations like this or to not get into them in the first place. It accomplishes nothing but making me feel bad. But I just seem to be drawn to negative things even if I don’t want to.

I hope to be more active here because everyone here is so positive. I also started writing into my journal again, I hope this will help me as well.