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Dealing with negative things

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months ago.

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  • #303049

    Alicia
    Participant

    Hello everyone.

     

    Just to give a little disclaimer, English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry if anything sounds a little wrong.

    I have been coming to this site for quite some time now whenever I’ve had any issue at all. The articles here have been really helpful and thought-provoking for me, and this community seems lovely and uplifting. Which is why I’m here right now, because I’m in need of some positivity.

    Lately, I have had a little too much time on my hands and I’m also in a somewhat unfamiliar environment right now. Besides homesickness, this has caused me to try and distract and occupy myself somehow. Because my options are a bit limited, I took to social media.

    I have always had the problem that I tend to really focus on negative things and get too invested in things that I can’t change. Additionally, I got into a few arguments on the Internet as well, one of which was very negative and insulting for me. I’m not innocent in this though, since I kept responding.

    All the negativity seems to be like a cloud following me around. I can’t stop worrying and thinking about some things that really aren’t that important. It affects my sleep and my overall mood.

    Normally I have coping mechanisms for this kind of situation, mostly distraction. But since I’m not at home those things aren’t possible at the moment, which has made me realise how bad I am at dealing with those things.

    To be honest, I just need a little positive energy right now and I would be very thankful if any of you could share tips and methods on how to deal with negativity. I just feel like I automatically ignore positive things and obsess over negative things and I can’t keep away from them.

    Thank you and have a nice day. 🙂

     

    #303057

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alicia:

    My suggestion regarding “Dealing with negative things” is to not avail yourself to negative experiences that you don’t have to have. I hope you no longer active in the particular website where you experienced disrespect. You can post here, on your new thread anytime you want to. I for one will be able and willing to reply to you respectfully.

    anita

    #303059

    Alicia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for responding. Yes, not exposing myself to those things would be best.

     

    I think my issue is that I often feel the need to involve myself in certain things. For example, the argument I mentioned began because this person was saying very disrespectful and unacceptable things about a group of people. I felt like I needed to express how wrong I thought these things were. The more rude the answers got the more I felt the need to respond and defend my opinion.

    I wish it was easier for me to remove myself from situations like this or to not get into them in the first place. It accomplishes nothing but making me feel bad. But I just seem to be drawn to negative things even if I don’t want to.

     

    I hope to be more active here because everyone here is so positive. I also started writing into my journal again, I hope this will help me as well.

     

     

    #303063

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alicia:

    You are welcome. Regarding the person online who “was saying very disrespectful and unacceptable things about a group of people”. Your motivation was to “express how wrong .. these things were”-

    – the way to achieve it is not to communicate or argue with the disrespectful person who is emotionally invested in his opinions;  that caused the person to express his opinions even more strongly,  more aggressively and the situation escalates. Instead, state your beliefs in a separate post, not addressed to this person directly and without mentioning what he stated.

    This way you voice what you believe is just and right without addressing or mentioning the disrespectful person and getting into an unnecessary unpleasantness.

    I will soon be away from the computer for some time. I hope you post here anytime. I will read and respond to you when I return. I hope other members will reply to you as well.

    anita

    <span style=”display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,’Helvetica Neue’,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14.53px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;”>I felt like I needed to express how wrong I thought these things were. The more rude the answers got the more I felt the need to respond and defend my opinion.</span>

    <span style=”display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,’Helvetica Neue’,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14.53px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;”>was saying very disrespectful and unacceptable things about a group of people.</span>

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  anita.
    #303067

    Alicia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    That is really good advice. It hadn’t crossed my mind to do it like that but it definitly seems like the more productive and pleasant way to do this.
    <p style=”text-align: center;”>I will try to get some restful sleep now and probably write about how I feel tomorrow.</p>

    #303145

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alicia:

    I hope you are rested and if not, that you will rest and write later. I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of the weekend and be back in about 48 hours from now. I will read (if you post) and reply to you when I am back.

    anita

    #303183

    Alicia
    Participant

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Hello again.</span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I didn’t get the opportunity to write again until now because I spent a lot of time outside. Which was good because it took my mind off those things and I could reflect a little on my feelings and actions. </span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I think it just really bothered me that the person I was arguing with could believe such terrible things. I think my intentions weren’t to convince him otherwise, but rather to express how wrong I thought these things were. I should have expected that nothing good would come of it.</span>

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I do not know why I always focus on negativity this much when there are so many more positive things. </span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I think that it has something to do with my situation and mood in general. When I’m happy and comfortable things like this bother me much less and I’m able to not concern myself with them more easily. But right now I’m out of my comfort zone and feeling a little anxious because of that. I think being homesick adds to that as well.</span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I’m a little mad at myself for feeling this way actually. Members of my family, who like me very much and who like me in return, are with me and I’m in a really beautiful place. But two weeks away from home seem to be too much for me, which seems ridiculous, I know. I think it’s because I’m used to always having the opportunity to spend time by myself. Constantly interacting with others and barely having a place to retreat or the time to do things that are relaxing to me (like drawing or other creative things) is exhausting me. And that makes me feel very ungrateful and unreasonable. There is still a week left that I will spend here.</span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>And this is another example of me mainly focussing on negative things around me. I should be enjoying the company of my family and the lovely nature around me, but somehow I can’t. </span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>On the plus side, I tried to seek out more positive things when I looked at the Internet today and people have been very kind and helpful. A lot of people seem to have the same problem of being put in a bad mood by social media.</span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I’d like to write a conclusion to my text but I’m pretty worn out right now.</span>

     

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>Anita, I hope you enjoy your weekend. :)</span>

    #303185

    Alicia
    Participant

    Oh no, is there any way to avoid this additional text that has been added to my Post?

    #303187

    Mark
    Participant

    Alicia

    I find that those additional text commands come from transferring what I  write in the word processor file and copy it here.

    And so far is dealing with negativity, looks like that you’ve already discovered one method to deal with it. You have gone out with yourself in nature. Another technique you may want to consider is writing down what you appreciate each day. Having a gratitude journal is a good practice. Make time in your day to nourish yourself. You mentioned how essential it is to have alone time. Make time for that.  Getting good rest and exercise also essential for your well-being.   What do you think about all I said here?

    Mark

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  Mark.
    #303191

    Alicia
    Participant

    Hi Mark 🙂
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes, that must be it. I’ll write my texts here on website from now on.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you for your advice. I’m already writing a journal but when I looked over my writings I did notice that it’s mostly negative thoughts I write down, in an effort to get rid of them this way. But I think making a list of all the nice and happy things that happened to me that day would be very helpful. I’ll do it later tonight. I think if I did it regularly it would also encourage me do to more positive things every day.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I often plan to make the time for some self care but unfortunately it doesn’t happen a lot of the time. Doing things like taking a long bath or sitting down in a park often feel like a waste of time for me and even during those activities I can end up worrying about the things I should be doing instead.</p>
    I always feel kind of foolish for needing so much time alone. It makes me worry that others will think I’m annoyed by them or that I don’t enjoy spending time with them, which isn’t true at all. I feel like I should be able to get through my life without this, but maybe I’m being too hard on myself.

    I think your advice is very good though, I hope I will be able to follow your tips about self care

     

    #303193

    Alicia
    Participant

    Well, at least avoiding that extra text almost worked. 🙂 I’ll just stop trying to mess with the text editor. ^^

    #303195

    Mark
    Participant

    Alicia

    Mindfulness is a good practice where are you pay attention to the present moment so therefore it helps keep you out of your head and worry.

    You might want to check out the book Quiet by Susan Cain. She talks about the virtues and characteristics of being an introvert .

    Mark

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  Mark.
    #303415

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alicia:

    Thank you for wishing that I enjoyed my weekend, it was enjoyable enough being outdoors, in nature.

    In your original post you wrote: “I have always had the problem that I tend to really focus on negative things and get too invested in things that I can’t change”, and later you wrote: “I do not know why I always focus on negativity”-

    – can you tell me how early in your life do you remember yourself focusing on negative things and what were those negative things in your life at home, with your family?

    anita

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