You are so right Anita. I had thought I was nearing the end of the grieving both for the loss of my parents and the loss of him and our family. I guess I still need time. I had my head in a good space for awhile but retirement with oodles of alone time has set me back a little. We were just legally divorced recently too and it seems like I have to re-visit it every so often. He certainly has never given me any indication that he’d ever want to be with me, so it’s feels silly to be upset. I guess I should stop scrap booking pictures from our life as a family, huh! Thanks for the thoughts – I always appreciate your take on things!

Hey all!
Be careful! You might get what you wish for (said with tongue in cheek

Inky,
Loved what you had to say! I do think that is what I am trying to do (find the joyful things)!!! I just seem to get sidetracked at times especially with such a long winter! I was in the sunshine doing some digging today and it felt so lovely!
Anita,
Counseling has always been a help except when I either did not go to someone who knew how to be helpful(with my husband after he’d already decided he wanted to leave)and several different male Psychologists/Psychiatrists, who sucked). I was horribly exploited by one years ago! Being a Psychologist myself probably makes it hard for me to find a good fit; on the other hand I have a hard time sticking up for myself when something isn’t working. I probably still have a lot of “stuff”to work through although not as bad as some go through.
It definitely appeals to me to try to relax and let things unfold, doing what feels right and good. My last Therapist was a big proponent of Acceptance and Committment Therapy. She was very helpful, but she retired shortly before I did so I have not sought anyone out since I have had so much alone time on my hands!

I love getting feedback so much – writing here has reinforced some of what I’ve been thinking!

Thank you, Sunnigirl! This is exactly what I need to hear. I love the way you talk about a “next self”! I have often said to myself that I am getting to know myself… Always taking care of others can get in the way of even knowing who one is. Also I do need to trust myself and my own “work” towards peace. I even go out alone sometimes and hang out with my married friends, but it’s hard! Your counselor sounds terrific. I hope you are also realizing some time of your own – you sound like you have a lot on your plate! Again thanks for your response – means a lot to me!
Carole

Anita,
Before I saw this I did send her a brief message telling I understood her hurt feelings. She replied that she just feels left out and will not plan anything with me anymore so she won’t be hurt again. She wanted to know if I still wanted her to take of her. I said no, I will be fine. I believe I will be fine. It is better to depend on friends who won’t expect anything in return!!! I am going to take care of myself which is something I have to constantly remind myself because I lean towards care taking others often!
Maybe I will email you – you mentioned how to get in touch in another post. Little nervous about this being so public!!! And Thank you thank you!!!!

P.S. My sons’ are amazing!!! They have graduate degrees, are happy in their jobs and lives and are a joy to be around! YAY! I (along with my ex) did something right!