Forum Replies Created
August 23, 2013 at 8:40 am #41049RebeccaParticipant
I often think the same thing, Ringoo: “But i want to HELP this person see how they are causing X problem in their lives!” I’m slowly, slowly realizing that I can’t help everyone, though, and how everyone has their own path to walk. Only experience can change someone’s mind. I can’t change someone’s mind for them. I can only be a mirror to show that person how their behavior is affecting our relationship. They have to take the next step, and yes…sometimes they won’t. It’s sad, but it’s their choice!August 23, 2013 at 6:45 am #41034RebeccaParticipant
Hi, Ringoo –
It sounds like you and your friend have very different expectations for this friendship. Which is fine, it happens!
Whether someone is being overbearing or someone is being oversensitive depends on where you’re standing, really. What really matters, though, is whether you are comfortable in the relationship. If you are not, then you need to decide whether to cordially cut off the relationship or to start a dialogue with her about how both of you can make the relationship more comfortable (and more of a two-way street). If it were me, I’d be leery of the fact that she’s already pulled out the “you’re oversensitive and have baggage” card, which is usually a sign that the person thinks that THEY are doing nothing wrong and are unwilling to change. If that is the case, talking with her and laying out your concerns may not help (and may get you told again that the issue is you, not her). If you want to try, though (or if you think that this is a case of her just not knowing how you feel about her behavior), perhaps you could tell her that you appreciate her efforts to help, but that her constant advice is wearying and could she please scale it back? Perhaps you could tell her how you think she’s a great person but you’re uncomfortable/frustrated when she doesn’t allow you to talk.
However, my instinct is that any “friend” who doesn’t listen to you isn’t really a friend. They’re just someone who wants a sounding board. Assuming that this was something she said as a blanket statement, not a temporary, “please listen to me for a moment, then speak” type of thing, cutting you off is a warning sign to me that she’s not really interested in “connecting” with you. You can’t “connect” with someone when you don’t want to hear what they have to say. Also, her being a counselor doesn’t exempt her from needing to listen to her friends and address their concerns.
I’d take a step back and reassess, really. If you have let her know that she’s making you uncomfortable and she’s persisted, then I’d back away. Deliberately doing something a friend has asked you not to do is disrespectful, and nobody needs that. Good luck!