Thanks Anita, I do understand what you are saying about the voices in his head being louder than the calmness, I will try and find out what it it that he was thinking during this time when I speak to him again and let you know what the outcome of this is. I will probably speak to him again in a few weeks, I want to give him his time for now and respect that, I also probably need some time to process all of this and come up with the right tools and questions for when I do speak to him. I have told him how scared I am of losing him and how strongly I feel that he is making a mistake, I’m not sure, if by me telling him this, that this is the reason that he said that he needs time instead of just leaving me outright. I will have to approach him differently, and not be so emotional myself because when I am like that I can’t think clearly and all I think of is what I want, and nothing else. Thank you for always responding to me, this is really helping me.

Thank you for your help Anita. I have been on the antidepressants since the breakup, I am on Cipralex 20mg, it does feel like it helps but it feels like I am putting a band aid on a wound that should be left open to heal. I do still get emotional and do still cry at times when I find myself thinking too much about all of this.

From what I get from him I am also left with not knowing exactly why he isn’t happy. In my mind our relationship was just the same for most of the 2 years that we were together. When I ask him what it is that he wants to do then he tells me that he doesn’t know, that he just doesn’t feel like himself and that I am happy to just relax at home where he needs more than just this. It isn’t really like me to just sit around doing nothing but when he was there with me and he wanted my attention then I gave it to him and didn’t do other things around the house, ect. I feel like he needed my attention a lot in the relationship and I did make time when he was there to give this to him but maybe this wasn’t enough for him? He says that I am also a lot calmer than him, too calm in fact. He also said that we have two completely different personalities but I never saw this as an issue. He also said that I don’t do much on my own outside of the relationship, but this is how I have always been, I have a few close friends and I do socialize with them every now and then but they are also married and have their husbands to attend to. I have hobbies that I do at home which I know he isn’t interested in which is okay with me because these are my things that I enjoy. I have also recently bought my own business that keeps me busy, he told me that he is envious of my attention to my business and he knows that isn’t how he should be feeling, that he should support me but he doesn’t. He is also successful with his own business and I have always allowed him the time and respect to do what he needs to do for his business. I really love him and felt like out relationship was meant to be, I didn’t realize that he wasn’t happy until it is too late for me to have a chance in making it work. I am really scared that he meets someone else in this “time” apart and this is the worst feeling for me. This is constantly on my mind as I don’t have very clear answers from him. He said that he doesn’t want to just abandon me, that he hates leaving me in such an emotional state but he needs time. Originally I gave him a few days to re-think his decision to just leave, and that’s when he came back with telling me that he needs time, he doesn’t know how much or how long but he just needs to be away. I don’t know if he is saying he needs time just to keep me feeling like I am not abandoned at the moment, but I also don’t want to be stringed a long only to discover that it was never his intention to come back. When we last saw each other he told me that he needs to miss me and want to come “home” but he doesn’t feel this yet.

Thank you everyone for your support and insight, it’s been a tough month for me, I’ve also been on antidepressants which I don’t know if it’s such a good idea as I’m scared that it’s just blocking other emotions that I should be facing. In the times that we have sat down and spoken he says that it’s him and he isn’t ready to make a commitment, we’re both in our early 30’s but I am a few years older than him and I don’t know if he’s putting pressure on himself because of this. He also said that he needs to see the girl in me that he first fell in love with, I know we became comfortable with each other and I probably took it for granted that he would just be there. I have begged him to give “us” another chance but he is determined that he needs time. I’m afraid that after this “time” that he will just let me down. I think that if he didn’t love me at all he would have just walked away, but I don’t know if this time thing is any easier. I still have some of his belongings at my house but he told me that he’s not taking it now. This is confusing me so much because I feel rejected but. My last long term relationship ended with my ex cheating on me after 5 years together, he also just suddenly broke up with me before I found out but I found out very quickly because she fell pregnant and they got married almost immediately, just as my relationship ended with him. That was my first experience of heart break and I still had to see him daily as I worked with him. It came back to him this past year and he is now divorced because the woman he left me for cheated on him! That first heart break took me a while to recover from, I also set my standards high and didn’t just settle for anyone until my recent ex came along, it took a lot for me to be able to open my heart to love again and this is what happened. I will take some of your advice, I will make my list. I have also been through the stages of not eating, not sleeping, not wanting to get out of bed, at least those symptoms seem to be fading a bit now. I agree that he probably had been thinking about this for a while and that is why he was more ready to face it than being the one receiving the news.