Dear Anita,

As always, your help is much appreciated. Thank you again for giving a much clearer picture of the situation and helping me sort the numerous thoughts in my mind out. The two options sound very reasonable and accurate, and I definitely think communicating them to him honestly would help me and us in the long run. I will first try option 1 since the holiday with him really cannot be cancelled and once I know how I feel after the holiday, I might have to go through option 2 as well, I will have to see about that. I would rather not turn into an obsessive person and miss out on all the other experiences of life due to that, only to regret it later. So I will do what seems necessary then. Thank you again, your words really help keep my thoughts in check and see things clearly.

As for psychotherapy, thank you for explaining it to me. It sounds like something that would benefit me, not only in this situation but also other parts of my life, like university and work. I will look into it and hopefully it’ll help me better myself.

Thank you Anita, you are very kind and I am glad to have found this place. Your understanding and thoughtful advice has helped me clear the mess of thoughts in my mind, see things from the outside and just helped me accept the situation as it is without feeling crazy or insane. 🙂

Rachel

Dear Anita,

First of all, thank you so much for your calm and understanding response. Before I found this place, I went looking for help elsewhere and was made feel like what I was doing/feeling was insane and unreasonable so thank you for making me realise it’s okay to feel this way and it’s somewhat natural to feel like this after experiencing such a connection with a special person for the first time. It has somewhat calmed me and my thoughts, so thank you again.

Now, you said that “it is when I experience something like this again with another trustworthy man that I will get over him”. I understand what you’re saying and I agree with it- once I see that it’s possible to form such a connection with someone else too, I will perhaps find it easier to let go of this one. But what if this not a possibility in the near future? I honestly don’t feel ready to see or let someone close to me at this stage of life. I think I’m scared of being hurt and going through this again and so to protect myself, I feel like I shouldn’t let anyone in until I learn to be emotionally strong and capable of handling something like this better if it were to happen again. For eg, I took him moving on so ‘quick’ personally and thought it has something to do with me- the rational part of me knows this has little to do with me but the anxious part of me overpowers and makes me upset. So basically, I want to reach a point where I am able to be just as happy being by myself and not depend on someone else for that happiness. I don’t know if I am making myself clear. What do I do in this case? How do move past this feeling I have at the moment and work towards bettering myself? Will I be able to get over him without having someone else in my life? All these thoughts really scare me.

As for sharing these feelings with him- I have thought about it a lot and I guess I’m scared, which is kind of sad because he really is one of the only few friends I feel comfortable enough opening up to and who really understands me. I am scared he will think I’m crazy to still be holding onto something that happened 4-5 months ago. I guess I’m scared he won’t understand? But I will definitely consider it as I know this is probably one of the few things that will really put my anxious mind at ease.

Once again, thank you, I really appreciate your help. I am sorry again for a lengthy post but I am really in need of some help and I find your advise quite valuable.