This resonates with me so much.  I am feeling like the Universe hates me too.  First I had what was supposed to be a minor surgery but the doctor poked a hole in my brain but he didn’t know it.  (I honestly think the hole happened when he stabbed scissors up my nose to remove the packing without looking and without warning me but the doctor who fixed the hole in my brain said that’s not possible.)  Even though I called his office 6 times in 8 days, he refused to see me.  He said I was being hysterical and needed to rest.  I ended up with dry brain and brain droop.  I had meningitis and my eye popped out 2mm.  I tried to sue him to no avail since a CSF leak was a potential complication.  Why wasn’t he held to the fact that he should have known that too?  The eye specialist measured the eye pop out during my first visit.  I called her in panic because I was trying to pop my ear and sucked my eye back in instead.  She said she was out of the country and wouldn’t be back for 2 weeks but if it didn’t hurt it was fine.  I saw her after she came back and the 2mm difference was gone.  She then said I was imagining it to begin with and removed it from my chart.  The nurse while I was in the hospital overdosed me.  The nurse who replaced her was male he made negative sexual comments about my body.  I complained and the hospital said it didn’t happen.  I have PTSD which was majorly effected by all this.  My work retaliated against me because I missed a month of work and had to work from home for 2 more months.  I made a complaint to the EEOC but it is unlikely they will have consequences.  I am still a wreck and I am beginning to think that what I was sure were mystical spiritual experiences were more likely mental illness.  I worked so hard to believe I would get justice to no avail.  When I wonder about bad things the universe delivers in a hot second.  When I wonder about good things, nothing.  I see the comments you received that said you just need more faith trust and pixie dust and I used to believe that so much. But after years of trying and decades of working hard to still struggle financially, it is all starting to sound like what Christian faith healers say – you just don’t believe enough.  I put so much faith and visualization and work (I’m talking years) into winning the lottery but no dice. (Don’t judge me.  If I can supposedly manifest healing for cancer, I can manifest a few freaking numbers being pulled, especially since I play the same ones every time.)  I believe so much that I have a serious emotional breakdown when it doesn’t happen.  For my mental health, I’ve stopped playing.  I don’t know what to do.  I am so very exhausted and tired.  I am starting to lose faith in the gods and the universe.  I don’t know if I want to be a part of either anymore even if they do exist.  They seem so cruel to me now.